Before I began learning about how depression works, all I knew were my spectacular crashes. As I thought back on my life, I could clearly see four major episodes that my depression exacerbated. These were times where I was circling the drain, was up against the wall, and could not see any way forward. To an outsider, I can only imagine how that must have looked. But for … [Read more...] about My Depression Operates in The Smallest Spaces
The 10 Things I Just Cannot Do, Part II*
*Update December 7, 2021 As I reread my list, I can see where I have made progress and where I still need to work. The reality is I will always need to work on at least one of the 10 unhelpful thinking styles. Living with depression means first acknowledging that I have it. And then quickly I say, “I have depression, depression does not have me.” And most days now, this … [Read more...] about The 10 Things I Just Cannot Do, Part II*
My Unhelpful Thinking Is at It Again
I can’t believe I’m falling for depression’s unhelpful thinking. My work on this has been extensive. I have looked at each of the ten main unhelpful thinking styles in depth. And I have studied how depression uses these to control my actions very subtly, and worse, to control my thoughts. It is clear to me now that I cannot control events. Hurricanes, taxes, annual … [Read more...] about My Unhelpful Thinking Is at It Again
My Psychiatrist Asked Me, “When Is Enough, Enough”?
Last night I had a virtual therapy appointment. I remember my therapist had asked a question and I was responding. It was my side of the story I was relating. Not just the facts or my feelings about it, but I was defending my actions. My decision and why I made it was a source of pride I suppose. My therapist stopped me and said, “I hear rationalization.” He had caught … [Read more...] about My Psychiatrist Asked Me, “When Is Enough, Enough”?
Day Five – I Think Adding Prozac Is Helping
I went to my psychiatrist because I felt things were beginning to slide. Having months of relief from the crippling actions of depression, things had plateaued. I noticed that things were only OK. Not bad, not great, not really anything but OK. Each day was beginning to be the same. There was this feeling that I wasn’t making progress, that I was stalled, and she set up … [Read more...] about Day Five – I Think Adding Prozac Is Helping