Facing my depression, and saying it's name out loud, has been work. Sometimes the work has been exhausting. It has only been easy on rare occasions. Most of the time some effort is required on my part to call out depression’s antics and to work through an alternative that doesn’t involve unhelpful thinking. Yet in the past, time travel worked. I was able to ruminate … [Read more...] about Why Can’t I Just Make It Easy And Stop Facing My Depression?
Suicide & Self-Harm
I don’t say this to brag. In some respects, I wish I had never started writing this blog. It all started the day after I checked out of 5 East. I had made the decision in the previous 4 days that I was going to face my depression head-on. This meant I would never again run from it. Even more important, I was not going to sweep it under the rug and pretend that it never … [Read more...] about For 1062 Days, I Have Posted Thoughts About My Depression Every 2.196 Days
Stigma is the first thing that comes to mind. Second, I am always surprised when I learn someone else has the same concerns about sharing their concealed whatever. And seeing Jill's admission that she sometimes opened up to a boss leads me to believe she is one of the bravest people I have ever read about. I am not at all comfortable about sharing my high-functioning … [Read more...] about What Makes You Think I Would Choose Concealed Depression?
High-functioning depression, that’s me. I can fake it like the best of them. Hiding my true feelings is an art form for me. There are so many ways I can tell you “I’m fine, I'm excited, I’m darn glad to be here.” In some ways, this is always true. Being anywhere is always preferable to the alternative. But being myself in every situation is difficult. And letting … [Read more...] about With Depression, Am I Ready To Tell the Truth to My Psychiatrist? – Part I
Suddenly, I am back to thinking about survivor’s guilt. Having survived my hospitalization for Major Depressive Disorder, I am moving forward. Using the tools I discovered over the past 28 months, I am finding myself equipped to address depression’s ideas. And depression still has ideas. It wants me to come out and play. It misses our time together. Depression has had to … [Read more...] about Having Survivor’s Guilt About Depression, Is It OK To Feel OK?