My depression and unhelpful thinking is much more subtle than house flies. I’m sitting on the porch, enjoying my first cup of coffee. Then I notice something tickling my leg. Just below my knee is a house fly. It looks up at me with all its eyes as if to say “what?” Then I sweep my hand down near it and if flies off. Before I can grab my coffee cup, another has landed on … [Read more...] about These Flies Won’t Quit Pestering Me This Morning – Are They Triggers?
my concealed depression
Getting Help for Depression When You Have Depression
Depression makes it almost impossible for me to seek help for MDD. And as I finally begin to address it and seek out professional treatment, the paperwork and insurance have me circling the drain. Fresh out of 5 East last year, I knew very quickly that my insurance did not cover all mental health issues. I understood and accepted paying out of pocket for these expenses. … [Read more...] about Getting Help for Depression When You Have Depression
Just Me and My Depression
If I am “cured” of depression, who will be my friend? Boy, that sounds terrible as I read what I just wrote. And there are several things that jump out at me about that statement. First, I know I will never be cured. A broken leg heals, but that is not the same. Researchers are looking for a cure for cancer, healing those who have it. A cure means people will not die … [Read more...] about Just Me and My Depression
I’m Glad I Did Not Know How Bad I Was
Imagine saying this out loud: “My last bottom was the deepest, darkest, most horrible place I have ever been.” Yet that was me last year. Reading through some of my older writing, I came across this line. It reached out and stunned me. How could I have written that? I had no idea I was that bad. It’s no wonder I sought professional medical attention. Reading that again … [Read more...] about I’m Glad I Did Not Know How Bad I Was
Why Do I Think in Terms of All or Nothing?
I tell myself I avoid drama, and yet many of my waking hours are spent creating all or nothing situations in my head. I interrupt someone and get a short response. Immediately, my mind goes to the worst possible meaning of that response. They don’t love me. They're mad at me for something. What did I do? And silence is even worse. My depression uses silence to get … [Read more...] about Why Do I Think in Terms of All or Nothing?