101 ideal activities for my new life with depression

As I make progress and hash out some of the underlying issues that have caused my depression to intensify at different times in my life, I am beginning to see the value of visualizing my new future.

I asked for professional medical attention 5 months ago because I have lost my focus.

**I could NOT see any way forward. **

I was up against the wall and could not see the next hour, let alone what my life going forward would look like.

Boy that was scary and depressing.

And it turns out that it was Major Depressive Disorder. It was the illness I had spent 43 years hiding, concealing, faking how I felt, being a high-functioning depressed person. I have used the term Evergreen to describe how I felt I must look, act and be seen by others.

To the outside world, I was putting on way more than just the never let em see you sweat persona. I was Batman and my superhero mask would never, ever come off in public.

**Only Alfred, my butler, knows my real identity. **

Which is kind of sad, because for all those years I didnt even trust Alfred. And Alfred wasnt even my butler and had a different name and is a woman. But thats a whole nother story. I only bring it up because I couldnt be my authentic self to my family or even to myself. When I had trouble getting going in the morning I would conjure up Mary Poppins and sing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Anything to keep me from facing myself.

I know what I want and have always gone after it. Unfortunately, I can think back to many times where depression would let me get within sight of the finish line, and then would pull the rug out from under me. Heck, depression even allowed me to achieve some of my major goals before snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. How jacked up is that?

**So now I have written most of a page and have yet to list

the first thing I will do in my new life**.

Hmm, this happened yesterday, too. Is this a pattern? Am I secretly not wanting to say what my future will be? It is easy to be a perpetual student, always learning something. Heck, I would probably still be in college if they paid you to go.

The fact that it took me 7 ½ years to graduate speaks to that. Of course, somewhere in those 7 ½ years was 1977, my lost year, my first major encounter with my lifelong arch-nemesis depression.

**So, my goal today is to list 101 ways I will live and enjoy

my life going forward.**

In my new life with depression, I will:

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So, I will not get to 101 today, but this is a start.

It also was easy to start with very generic and general to-dos but listing more personal things may take more courage on my part and a little more consideration about what and who I will include in my new life.

**As this will impact the next 30 years or so, I feel

alright in taking my time about this list. **

And I feel I can come back to this from time to time and make sure that my list is current. If I am finding additional things that I enjoy and want to include, I can delete things I am not doing, or I can make the list longer. I am in control of my future. I am advocating for myself and what I need to be the best person I can be.

Theres #26, Be my own best advocate.

Whats on your list for the future?

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