7 Reasons I’m Tired of Being Tired

Five months of mostly cloudy.

My mind is not clear and crisp on most days. And for the first hour or two after I finally get up, my mind is the foggiest.Â

I am yawning, even though I have been in bed for over 8 hours. If that translated into 8 hours of sleep, my mornings might be different.

After I first fall asleep, I begin a cycle of waking up at 1 AM, 3 AM, 4:30 AM, 6 AM, and then hourly until I force myself into the morning.

I have spoken about this to my Psychiatrist. There was a lot of talk about Melatonin, and I did try that. However, my problem isnt falling asleep. I do that very quickly after I turn off the light. My issue is actually staying asleep.

**I am tired of writing about this whole problem of not

feeling awake when I wake up.**

But, like so many other aspects of my life, I am fitting this problem into my daily routine. I am accepting the problems that not being able to get up has presented, and I am working around them. This is the same way I have dealt with my depression for most of my life. It would toss out ideas, and I would feel obligated to take them on as my own, working them around my daily life.

Now, I am taking on the role of martyr for the cause.

READ MORE: Why can't I make the call?

Telling my self that my doctors are too busy for my little problem, I downplay my needs for the greater good. Or thats what I am hearing and seeing through depression tinted glasses. And the list of things I am tired of includes more than just not being able to get up and get going in the morning.

I am tired of:

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**I start with my new in-network therapist on Wednesday. **

I want to be optimistic about the change, but all I see this morning is more work, and I am getting tired of that. But I know myself well enough to understand that I will go to the appointment and do the work required. Even if I do not give myself credit, at some level I know I get things done.

**If I could add one more thing, I am tired of, it would be

not writing.**

Lately, other things have pushed and shoved their way into my head, grabbing my attention and keeping me from writing. OK, I am giving these things more attention and significance that am giving myself. When I do not write, I do not grow. Writing is one of my best self-care activities. When I miss even two or three days, it is like a lifetime.

READ MORE: I don't often see it, but I always have a choice

**Making a list of the things I am tired of is my way of

getting them out into the open.**

Depression wants me to just suffer in silence and not make a big deal about what it perceives to be important actions I should (or shouldnt) be taking. It likes it when my head is cloudy, and my sense of self-worth is in the toilet.

**Today I will focus on valuing myself, as I am, tired or

not.**

My concealed depression is written under the alias Depression is not my boss. I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Last year, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

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