The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

Coping statements work! But you must say them to yourself or out loud to gain the benefit from your coping statements. Unless you know what coping statements are and why they are effective, you may not get the most out of them. I know from personal experience that this was true for me.

Using coping statements began for me as affirmations. People send mental messages to themselves all throughout the day. These messages are called "affirmations" because they affirm and reinforce ideas. Sending yourself negative affirmations will increase your stress level. Sending yourself positive affirmations will help you to feel more peaceful.

When we know a situation is going to be unpleasant, we often tell ourselves how awful or terrible it is going to be. As a result, we may actually cause the situation to be just as bad as we think or worse.

What Is a Coping Statement?

The purpose of coping statements is to put a stop to the thoughts that lead to anxiety and to replace those thoughts with realistic, rational thoughts. When these rational self-statements are practiced and learned, your brain takes over and they automatically occur. — Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D., Psychologist

Coping statements began for me as a way to keep unhelpful thinking styles from grabbing my mind and thoughts. Catastrophizing was and often still is, what my mind jumps to when different events happen.

For instance, the phone rings at home. Before I even can get to the phone to see who is calling, my mind has already played out a bunch of catastrophic scenarios. These range from "your Mom is dead" to "your health insurance won't cover a bill so you owe millions of dollars."

Once I see on the caller ID that I do not recognize the name, this very often triggers a whole new set of catastrophic thoughts. Or worse, I now feel guilty if I do not answer the phone.

My coping statements for phone calls include:

• Relax.
• Calm down.
• I'm in control of this.

Once I challenge my unhelpful thinking with a coping statement, a clearer vision of what is happening appears. This then helps me see that where my mind went was not grounded in truth and that I am in control of how I react to the phone ringing.

What Are Positive Coping Statements?

Coping statements are truthful positive statements used to replace the negative and untrue thoughts that take-over when you feel anxious, stressed, angry, and/or when facing other overwhelming situations.

Your inner voice sometimes lies to you, and those lies can provoke powerful anxiety, anger, depression, panic and pain. By using positive coping statements, I am able to see these lies my depression tells me for what they are. LIES.

And yet until I began understanding how damaging these lies are, I bought into them.

Positive coping statements help to keep us from blocking core emotions. I feel guilt when I do not answer the telephone. Even when I do not know who is calling, I can get anxious about getting to the phone and seeing who it is. Then the guilt kicks in if I don't recognize the caller and I don't answer.

Positive coping statements can keep us from feeling shame, anxiety, and guilt. These inhibitory emotions block our core emotions.

Three Types of Coping Statements and When to Use Them

1. In Preparation for Stressful Situations

My court appearance years ago was the first time I can remember consciously planning out how I would think about a stressful situation. Having a few positive coping statements to take along with you can make the outing less stressful.

"I am wearing my mask, I am keeping socially distant, I am using sanitizer, I have control over where I go." All of these coping statements are designed so you can plan ahead and use them while you are in public.

2. During the Course of a Stressful Situation

"I've gotten through tougher situations than this before. This will not overwhelm me. It just feels that way at times."

When "life happens," and you find yourself in a stressful situation, this type of coping statement is effective. Now for me, using this type of coping statement, was not something I automatically did. In fact, my automatic thoughts were almost always negative and unhelpful, creating a downward spiral that made me more anxious.

With tools I have learned, now I can see that I have a choice in how I think about situations. I often cannot control the event, but I can control my attitude towards it.

3. After the Situation Is Over

For many years, I did not take the time to reflect on what had happened or how I had responded to it. Saying a positive affirmation such as "I need to give myself credit for making a good effort and for any improvement, large or small," was not even on my radar.

Once I found a support group, I began to reflect on my choices during a stressful situation. I began to see the positive in what I had done, and not let my depression minimize that and then catastrophize a very small thing I could have done better.

Covid-19, Stress, and Coping Statements

If ever there was a time to use positive coping statements, a global pandemic would be it. All of us are feeling the pandemic. We are touched by a co-worker or family member who has contracted the coronavirus. And we have seen death on a global scale.

Preparing positive coping statements for stressful situations you know will occur can preempt your anxiety. And this will give you a tool you can use to decide how you will think about the situation.

How Can I Improve My Use of Coping Statements?

The biggest hurdle for me in improving my use of coping statements was to learn how negative thinking styles work. Before my hospitalization for MDD, I was not conscious of unhelpful thinking. The truth is I was the poster boy for unhelpful thinking.

Magnification (catastrophizing) and minimization were my brain's go-to thoughts. I also have a healthy dose of All or Nothing Thinking, as well as an uncontrollable desire to Jump To Conclusions.

Coping statements disrupt unhelpful thinking styles. Having a go-to list is one of the best ways to improve your use of coping statements. Put a copy of the list on your bathroom mirror. Carry one in your wallet or purse. Have one hanging next to your workspace at home.

The Truth About Coping Statements

It turns out that for me, unhelpful thinking is a big part of my need for coping statements. Unhelpful thinking insulates and isolates me from my core emotions. I throw up defenses to avoid feeling core or even inhibitory emotions.

Without coping statements to clarify my thinking, I often end up with shame, guilt, and anxiety. This blocks me from my core emotions of: sadness, fear, anger, joy, excitement, and disgust.

With clarity and calmness to tolerate challenges, I can solve problems constructively. Coping statements then are a tool to help ward off unhelpful thinking styles.

My closing coping statement is: "That wasn't as bad as I expected. I am making progress."