How I Prepare for a Therapy Appointment

I prepare for my therapy appointments ahead of time by making a written list.

Maybe I am a little too prepared this week.**

There is a lot happening and I want to address how this will affect my recovery. *My recovery is still JOB #1. *

If I am not successful in that, then I am not successful in life. And since I have plans to celebrate my 100th birthday, I need to stay focused on self-care and what is the next best step for me.

**I have printed out this list to take to my therapy appointment. **

Below I have shared it with you. I cant image it will make much sense as you scan it. Random thoughts are flashing through my brain, combined with automatic thoughts that can be the work of depression.

I know depression is lurking around at the edges of this activity.

I can feel the underlying tension of its presence. It is distracting me from getting any real work done this morning. I feel I must write these thoughts down, so I can address them with my therapist.Â

No more sweeping under the rug.

Yet, despite that feeling., I have responded to two clients and made some updates to a clients resume. I am proud of that, even as I wish I were doing more. I wish I had gotten dressed, instead of working in my gym shorts and a T-shirt. It feels more like a home-office when I* dress* for the office.

I wish I had all the answers.

But thats not how life works and it is surely not how life with depression works. The reality is I will need to choose. I will need to commit, to make a stand, to take that first step.

The good news is, I can decide to* not* listen to depression tell me that the decision is all or nothing. I can choose to not use unhelpful thinking to minimize the downsides of each choice while maximizing the positives.

I can ask better questions.

I can phone a friend. I can see that there are choices, that depression doesnt have me up against the wall. It doesnt have me only seeing one choice, one option while it has me taking a vow of secrecy.

There is still time to choose, even though I have already said yes. I have not started, and the company is waiting for the results of the background check.  I also have an out in the 1 ½ hour commute. But I feel that if I do not take this position, the door is closing, and I will not get another chance.

Is that the depression talking?

Perhaps, but I see the odds getting smaller if I say no now that I have committed. What gives me hope that I will make the right choice, in the end, is I have an appointment today with my therapist, and I will have three sessions with different groups this week.

**By Friday, I will have talked about the choice for almost three weeks. **

The fact that I am still struggling with the right option after three weeks should be a clue that something about it has not been resolved. So, I am off to my appointment, to see if I can figure out what that might be.

**My therapy list (thoughts, questions, ideas to discuss) and related thoughts **

• Therapist 2 PM Appointment lots to talk about
• new resume contact
• Existing client resumes status and completion dates
• New job questions?
• Blog value?
• SMART conference September
• Insurance and mental health follow up
• 4 ½ year plan
• Its not all or nothing
• Structure for a while after 14 months of more loosey-goosey lifestyle
• Do I need the structure?
• If I havent started yet, I can still say no?
• If I say NO, then I must write resumes and how do I feel about that?
• I am very good at not only the resume but at explaining what and why people need to do certain things to be successful. The feedback from clients supports that.
• I can create a course around Career Confidence
• Will I lose that edge if I go back to work full-time outside the home?
• Can I think about how to use that differently so I can be excited about that type of work?
• I am finally doing what I said I was going to do 15 months ago Â
• And it is working, because I am finally committed to it and have a new sense of empathy and concern for those I am working with. I am not standing off afraid to get to know the person. This is a huge improvement for me personally and my clients get the benefit of it and recognize this.
• It tells me I am different, that I have changed.
• Take the online SMART training Someday offer services with them
• Write my next BOOK
• With the new job, there is a 1 hour and 20-minute drive each way. I have done that for many, many years. I can do it again. I have used this time to think, to dictate notes into a recorder, and to listen to recordings, books on tape and music. The time is not wasted.
• INSURANCE New JOB IS INVESTMENT IN FUTURE
• Going back to full-time work outside the home is NOT all or Nothing
• Why is this decision nagging at me?
• I have decided to go back to a job I have had, I am telling myself the reasons why this would be good for me. Why am I still reviewing the decision?
• I would need to reduce my business for six months and focus on self-care, and my work out of the home.
• I would have two days off each week and can structure those to attend OOO meetings and schedule doctor appointments.
• *There will be time to write each day and I must write each day as part of my personal self-care. This has been the most helpful thing I have done for myself. It might be the #2 BEST thing behind meeting with my therapist and going to the OOO Meetings. *
• So, what is scaring me about going back to my old company?
• Is it that or am I just afraid of change?
• I have gotten into a routine and I am nervous about change? Maybe.
• But I know what my days currently look like.
• The prospect of expanding my health options is a driving concern. I can address my physical body as well as my mental health. Both will be much easier with the coverage available through my employer.
• Then when I turn 65, I can explore Medicare and see how that works.
• None of this is forever.
• Going back will give me a chance to slow down and digest everything I have learned. Just doing that and daily self-care would be living a vacation,
• The job will be a vacation with structure. And thats comforting to me. To know what the next six months will look like and plan around that gives me hope and confidence. I can view the next 4 ½ years in six-month pieces and re-evaluate where I am at after each segment. This will keep me from being locked in emotionally to a 4 ½ year plan.
• It will give me a chance to relax and breath. To continue to learn about myself, and what I need to do to keep depression from being my boss.

The choice is to go back to a full-time, out of the house job, or continue to build my home business. Both choices include continued self-care.

Thanks for letting me talk. I will use all of this to help me make the best choice for me.

**Please share, like or comment. I am a sponge. **

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