I’m gauging my own self-worth, my own self-esteem. I am trying to answer the question that has been burning inside me for over forty years. Am I enough? It turns out that the question isn’t even a straightforward question. It’s conditional, with a lot of but’s and what-ifs? It turns out you must decide what lens you are looking through before you even begin to consider the … [Read more...] about What lens am I looking at myself through?
That’s how I am beginning to feel. As I get a better understanding of depression and my responsibilities for keeping it under control, I am slowing down. This is new to me. Being very competitive, I am always measuring things. How many steps to the top entrance to the building, how many tiles on the wall in the men’s room. How much are sales up year over year? So, hearing … [Read more...] about Hurry up and wait
With the benefit of almost 40 years of perspective, I can see the damage that depression has wreaked on my life and those I love. My question today is, why did it take so long for me to see it? I am smart, I am a thinker. I offer great solutions to problems and take so many people’s ideas into account. So, why did I spend 40 years listening to depression? What was … [Read more...] about Depression is Sneakier Than I Thought
Well, right now I don’t. What I have is an indentation in the carpet in my closet where the gun safe was. I have an empty space on my shelf in the closet where the canvas bag of ammo was. All thats left is a cloth bag with a turkey call in it and a replacement peep sight for my compound bow. But no compound bow, and no guns. The morning I walked into the hospital; my focus … [Read more...] about Did you know I have guns?
I have been struggling with how to share what my life has been like for the past four weeks. There are friends, relatives, and business associates that I want to tell. My dilemma is how to tell them, how much to tell them when to tell them. Is my need to tell them a way to justify my behavior? I’m telling myself it is a noble thing to do, to alert others who may have these … [Read more...] about How do I tell people I have depression? Or should I?