Coping statements work!
But you must say them to yourself or out loud to gain the benefit from your coping statements.
Unless you know what coping statements are and why they are effective, you may not get the most out of them.
I know from personal experience that this was true for me. Using coping statements began for me as affirmations.
People send mental messages to themselves all throughout the day. These messages are called “affirmations” because they affirm and reinforce ideas. Sending yourself negative affirmations will increase your stress level. Sending yourself positive affirmations will help you to feel more peaceful. When we know a situation is going to be unpleasant, we often tell ourselves how awful or terrible it is going to be. As a result, we may actually cause the situation to be just as bad as we think or worse.
Mrs. Knight is a licensed counselor and school counselor.
In this post you will learn:
- What is a Coping Statement?
- What are positive coping statements?
- Three type’s of coping statements and when to use them
- Covid-19, stress, and coping statements.
- How can I improve my use of coping statements?
- The truth about Coping Statements
– What Is a Coping Statement? –
The purpose of coping statements is to put a stop to the thoughts that lead to anxiety and to replace those thoughts with realistic, rational thoughts. When these rational self-statements are practiced and learned, your brain takes over and they automatically occur. Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D., Psychologist
Coping statements began for me as a way to keep unhelpful thinking styles from grabbing my mind and thoughts.
Catastrophizing was and often still is, what my mind jumps to when different events happen. For instance, the phone rings at home. Before I even can get to the phone to see who is calling, my mind has already played out a bunch of catastrophic scenarios. These range from “your Mom is dead” to “your health insurance won’t cover a bill so you owe millions of dollars.”
Once I see on the caller ID that I do not recognize the name, this very often triggers a whole new set of catastrophic thoughts.
Or worse, I now feel guilty if I do not answer the phone. One thought is because I am eligible for Medicare this fall, I have been swamped with letters, emails, and phone calls from companies all wanting me to know that they care about me.
And they want me to know that only they have what I need. As I have already decided what to do, I do not need to speak with a salesperson about supplemental insurance. But still, I often feel guilty for not picking up the phone.
My coping statements for phone calls include: Relax. Calm down. I’m in control of this.
Once I challenge my unhelpful thinking with a coping statement, a clearer vision of what is happening appears. This then helps me see that where my mind went was not grounded in truth and that I am in control of how I react to the phone ringing.
– What Are Positive Coping Statements? –
Coping statements are truthful positive statements used to replace the negative and untrue thoughts that take-over when you feel anxious, stressed, angry, and/or when facing other overwhelming situations.
Your inner voice sometimes lies to you, and those lies can provoke powerful anxiety, anger, depression, panic and pain.
By using positive coping statements, I am able to see these lies my depression tells me for what they are. LIES. And yet until I began understanding how damaging these lies are, I bought into them.
Positive coping statements help to keep us from blocking core emotions. I feel guilt when I do not answer the telephone. Even when I do not know who is calling, I can get anxious about getting to the phone and seeing who it is. Then the guilt kicks in if I don’t recognize the caller and I dont answer.
Positive coping statements can keep us from feeling shame, anxiety, and guilt. These inhibitory emotions block our core emotions. When my Dad died many years ago, I was proud that I could stay focused on the needs of the family. I blocked my sadness by working on the funeral, my Mom’s needs, and my own immediate family’s needs.
So I justified these actions and never considered the consequences. I thought I had not discovered coping statements. Yet, as I read some from my collection, maybe I was using them and just didn’t see. For instance, my get it done focus could be worded as a coping statement: “These are the specific things I need to do to get through the situation.”
Right after my Father died, unhelpful thinking had me feeling guilty for doing what needed to be done.
Slowing down and breathing is very helpful for me. This lets me see what is going on and how I am reacting to it. I have a chance to frame my response to the event. This is the one thing I can control, and for me, it is the main thing depression wants to hold over me. I slowed down my breathing, assessed what needed to be done, and then did it.
I know first hand that substance abuse, mental health issues, or just daily living can trigger events where positive coping statements can help.
For me, recognizing that I have a choice in how I feel about the situation, is one of the most powerful positive coping statements I use.
– Three Type’s of Coping Statements and When to Use Them –
Until I found coping statements as a way to get through the day with my depression, I did not connect their power with any affirmations I was using. A few years ago, I was introduced to The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.
In it, she suggests that the reader make a daily exercise of writing down 10 things they are thankful for. I did this for over a year and was surprised at what I found that I was thankful for.
Using this exercise when I had to give testimony in court, I wrote down 10 positive things I can do, including “I am thankful for my ability to remain calm under pressure.”
Our attorney said after my testimony that I had been marvelous and in the end, the case was decided in our favor. I was preparing for a stressful situation that I knew was going to happen that day. And the outcome spoke for itself.
Three Types Of Coping Statements Are Used:
1. In preparation for stressful situations that you can predict will occur
My court appearance years ago was the first time I can remember consciously planning out how I would think about a stressful situation. I remember meeting my future father-in-law for the first time. And while the visit went fine, I wish now I had prepared a coping statement or two to keep me calm.
And now with the pandemic, even going to the grocery store can make anyone anxious. Having a few positive coping statements to take along with you can make the outing less stressful. “I am wearing my mask, I am keeping socially distant, I am using sanitizer, I have control over where I go.”
All of these coping statements are designed so you can plan ahead and use them while you are in public.
2. During the course of a stressful situation, try the following (confrontation and coping)
“I’ve gotten through tougher situations than this before. This will not overwhelm me. It just feels that way at times.” When “life happens,” and you find yourself in a stressful situation, this type of coping statement is effective.
Now for me, using this type of coping statement, was not something I automatically did. In fact, my automatic thoughts were almost always negative and unhelpful, creating a downward spiral that made me more anxious.
With tools I have learned, now I can see that I have a choice in how I think about situations. I often cannot control the event, like the earth experiencing a global pandemic, but I can control my attitude towards it.
Coping statements such as the one above, move control back to me. And I can say to myself or out loud, “these feelings are a signal to use the coping skills I’m learning.” This is hugely empowering.
3. After the situation is over
I admit, for many years, I did not take the time to reflect on what had happened or how I had responded to it. The event was over, and what was, was. Saying a positive affirmation such as “I need to give myself credit for making a good effort and for any improvement, large or small,” was not even on my radar.
Once I found a support group, On Our Own, I began to reflect on my choices during a stressful situation. I began to see the positive in what I had done, and not let my depression minimize that and then catastrophize a very small thing I could have done better.
While it is still a work in practice, I am beginning to give myself credit for positive things I have done. This may lead to my loving myself, just as I am.
My thanks to Edward J. Hickling, Edward B. Blanchard for this information originally published as Overcoming the Trauma of Your Motor Vehicle Accident: Session 3. Copyright © 2006 by Oxford University Press
– Covid-19, Stress, and Coping Statements –
The jury is still out on how long this Global Pandemic will last. Looking back 100 years, the Spanish flu was a multi-year event. Even though our technology is light years above what was available 100 years ago, people still act the same. People’s ignorance and denial, or extreme fear, all are being exhibited as we cope with the pandemic.
All of us are feeling the pandemic. We are touched by a co-worker or family member who has contracted the coronavirus. And we have seen death on a global scale as world governments and local municipalities struggle to balance liberties with their best practices for saving lives.
If ever there was a time to use positive coping statements, this would be it. As hospitals fill up, again, and people are moving gatherings indoors due to the cold weather, the predictions for wave two are not good.
Preparing positive coping statements for stressful situations you know will occur can preempt your anxiety. And this will give you a tool you can use to decide how you will think about the pandemic.
Read more Mental Health Disorders Related to COVID-19–Related Deaths
– How Can I Improve My Use of Coping Statements?-
The purpose of coping statements is to put a stop to the thoughts that lead to anxiety and to replace those thoughts with realistic, rational thoughts. When these rational self-statements are practiced and learned, your brain takes over and they automatically occur. Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D., Psychologist
The biggest hurdle for me in improving my use of coping statements was to learn how negative thinking styles work.
Before my hospitalization 17 months ago for MDD, I was not conscious of unhelpful thinking. The truth is I was the poster boy for unhelpful thinking. Magnification (catastrophizing) and minimization were my brain’s go to thoughts. I also have a healthy dose of All or Nothing Thinking, as well as an incontrollable (at times) desire to Jump To Conclusions.
I don’t need the facts, I can make up the story in my head. In fact, I was a time-traveler in every sense of the word. I can visit the future and decide how things will turn out before the event ever takes place. And, I get stuck living in the past, time-traveling back to every situation I wish I had handled differently.
Coping statements disrupt unhelpful thinking styles.
Having a go-to list is one of the best ways to improve your use of coping statements. Put a copy of the list on your bathroom mirror. Carry one in your wallet or purse. Have one hanging next to your workspace at home. If you dare, put one on your desk at work.
For me, remembering that these positive coping statements are available to me is the hardest part of improving their effectiveness.
– The Truth about Coping Statements –
It turns out that for me, unhelpful thinking is a big part of my need for coping statements. Unhelpful thinking insulates and isolates me from my core emotions.
I throw up defenses to avoid feeling core or even inhibitory emotions. Without coping statements to clarify my thinking, I often end up with shame, guilt, and anxiety. This blocks me from my core emotions of: sadness, fear, anger, joy, excitement, sexual excitement, and disgust.
Without coping statements, my mind goes to the dark side. It moves me further and further from an openhearted state where I am; calm, curious, connected, compassionate, confident, courageous, and clear. With clarity and calmness to tolerate challenges, I can solve problems constructively.
Coping statements then are a tool to help ward off unhelpful thinking styles. They are a tool to keep us from needing to craft defenses to avoid uncomfortable emotions. And they help me, and others too, keep from using inhibitory emotions to block core emotions.
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