Photo by mauro mora on Unsplash It turns out that I don’t even know when the last time was that I sat down and wrote out my thoughts and feelings. I wish I had made the time as I know that my depression is in the wings, waiting for me. I could slip up and be back near the abyss based on my lack of focus. This lack of focus is different than just not deciding about what to … [Read more...] about Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?
What would I do? How would I think? What would I spend my time doing? Firstly, I need to factor in my diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. Figuring out how to manage it has been my #1 focus for 4 ½ years. I still learn things every day about tools that will continue to give me an edge. And in that time, I have, with help, navigated different … [Read more...] about What Would Make Me the Happiest?
Photo by Cerys Lowe on Unsplash If the rock was like the one that pushed me to the hospital, I’m not sure I would be here. That morning, the rock was so massive and the hill so steep, I couldn’t imagine how I was going to move it. Just the thought of pushing against it was impossible to think about. Everything was numb, and the rock was there staring at me. It felt … [Read more...] about I’m Still Pushing That Rock Up the Same Hill
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash Joy is one emotion that has been missing over the past 4 or 5 years. Not days, or weeks, but years. That’s a long time. 365 days times 4 years equals 1,465 days. Five years is that plus 365. And for much of that time, I did not even know I was not experiencing joy. I was happy if I experienced any emotion. And yes, that included the … [Read more...] about Joy Has Been Elusive for Years, But I May Have Found It Again
Photo by Jacqueline Munguía on Unsplash This new development is not exactly what I had envisioned when I got up this morning. Well, I guess this is not what my Peer Advocate had envisioned. She had expected my psychiatrist to switch me to Abilify, or one of the two other similar medications. So instead of taking 30 mg of Remeron, I would replace that with a dose of … [Read more...] about Side Effects Be Damned, Now I’m Taking 30 mg of Remeron