What does it mean to be “perfectly” depressed? The phrase itself feels like a contradiction. Depression, after all, is often portrayed as something visible—tears, disheveled hair, darkened rooms, canceled plans. But what if it could be hidden in plain sight? Behind a polished exterior, behind excellence and achievement, behind the kind of life that others envy? This is the … [Read more...] about Why I Am Unpacking the Rules Behind My Perfectly Concealed Depression
my concealed depression
I’m Still Pushing That Rock Up the Same Hill
Photo by Cerys Lowe on Unsplash If the rock was like the one that pushed me to the hospital, I’m not sure I would be here. That morning, the rock was so massive and the hill so steep, I couldn’t imagine how I was going to move it. Just the thought of pushing against it was impossible to think about. Everything was numb, and the rock was there staring at me. It felt … [Read more...] about I’m Still Pushing That Rock Up the Same Hill
Why I Say That I Am No Longer Evergreen
Photo by Kayla Warner on Unsplash Another post about my lifelong struggle to face major depressive disorder (concealed depression) They say you always remember your first time. Well with my `depression, that is not true. For me, major moments stand out, including what I came to call “my lost year.” But most of my depression, up until 4 years ago, is one big blur. In … [Read more...] about Why I Say That I Am No Longer Evergreen
Pure Joy With Depression? It Makes Me Feel Good All Over
I admitted that I was feeling good to my Psychiatrist on Wednesday. My 3-month medicine management appointment was first thing in the morning. I was early, as usual, and I caught up on my email using my phone while waiting for my doctor. My Psychiatrist was happy to see me. She told me that when she checked her appointments last night, she was thrilled to see I was her … [Read more...] about Pure Joy With Depression? It Makes Me Feel Good All Over
Can I Be Happy With My Birthday?
Or would the correct term be joy, a core emotion? Either way, I suppose this is a milestone of birthdays. It has been coming for a while. There was nothing to do but allow it to tick forward, a day at a time, until now it is the big day. I turn 65 today. Now I can finally take advantage of the senior discount at Denny’s. Just kidding. … [Read more...] about Can I Be Happy With My Birthday?
