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Green apples with smiley faces symbolizing concealed depression.

My Concealed Depression

CBA

Why Am I Choosing Numb Instead of Real Feelings?

August 26, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss

Is it my medication that keeps me numb or am I just afraid of my feelings?

Is it my medication or am I not brave enough to explore my feelings? With 44+ years of practice, I am exceptionally good at feeling numb and blocking out my feelings. Listening to an EBT audiobook on the way to work the other day, the author said some people are overly emotional and in touch with their feelings. Others suppress their feelings and emotions like a bottle of … [Read more...] about Why Am I Choosing Numb Instead of Real Feelings?

What Are You Doing Today?

April 23, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss

I have a list to do, so my CBA worksheet will have to wait

I had in mind working on a Decision-Making Worksheet/Cost-Benefit Analysis this morning. My goal is to map out a plan for the coming year. My attitude towards events as they unfold is what I can control. So I am trying out different ideas to see what makes the most sense. However, I am not seeing this morning as a time to work on this. Instead, I am lost in my list of … [Read more...] about What Are You Doing Today?

I Have the Tools, Why am I Not Using Them?

April 17, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss

I have tools to use for unhelpful thinking. Why Am I waiting?

It seems very straight-forward. You encounter a problem. You decide what tool you need to repair the problem. Then you use the chosen tool and fix the problem. Problem solved. This works great for when the lawnmower is sputtering and won’t start or your zipper in your coat is stuck and needs fixing. Applying this to my mental health issues is a … [Read more...] about I Have the Tools, Why am I Not Using Them?

That didn’t last long, now I’m not getting out of bed

December 5, 2019 by Depression Is Not My Boss

A child in bed with a dog, refusing to get up.

Searching the internet for a picture of “not getting out of bed,†I found that Dr. Seuss had written about this. So maybe it is a “thing.†Not Thing 1 or Thing 2, but a thing. It seems almost everyone has trouble at times wanting to get out of bed. With the warm covers drawn around us, our head on the pillow, … [Read more...] about That didn’t last long, now I’m not getting out of bed

Is it possible to be “recovered” rather than forever in “recovery?”

December 1, 2019 by Depression Is Not My Boss

Diagram of Kurt Lewin's Change Model with three stages and force field analysis.

This is the question I am grappling with right now. This idea was presented in the training I am doing with SMART Recovery. Yes, I want to be a meeting facilitator someday, but right now I am still working on me. Seeing this concept in black and white, has given me a renewed sense of hope about my future. The Transtheoretical Model (also called the Stages of Change … [Read more...] about Is it possible to be “recovered” rather than forever in “recovery?”

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Joel Natl Career Fair Bio Pic he's using for my concealed depressionHello, I am Joel Quas 

In April 2019, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. By writing things out, I am learning more about my relationship with depression. 

Joel’s Next Book

The US has a a new 988 system that grabs location, not just area code.
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