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You are here: Home / Depression / Even With My Depression, I Am Still Thankful

Even With My Depression, I Am Still Thankful

November 21, 2021 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

I am thankful for having the time to learn more about depression and self-care
Photo by Pro Church Media on Unsplash

Lately, I am amazed at how much I must live for.

There have been times in my life where this wasn’t true. And times where all I could do was summon enough courage to get through the day. And times where I contemplated what it would be like to no longer have to push that same rock up the same hill.

I find myself this morning thankful for time.

Each time I am up against the wall, I have no concept of time. There is just me, the abyss, and my depression. At those points, time is lost as I circle the drain. There is no hope, no expectation of things in the future. In those states, I do not plan, and time stands still.

Currently, time is a wonderful thing.

I have time. There is no fighting it, no wishing or hoping, and no enduring of time. There is the realization that “I have time.” Yes, I say often, “I have depression, depression does not have me.” So having time may be a contradiction.

I have changed my attitude towards time.

It is no longer something I struggle with. When I am in the depths of depression, time drags on and on, and on. My thoughts at that time are of survival. Getting through enough of the day that I can justify going to bed is my goal. During these times, depression used time against me.

Right now, I am thankful for having time.

With a change in my attitude, I am grateful for having time. Being able to use time as a tool to learn more about depression has been helpful. And my new attitude towards time has given me the confidence to slow down.

Rediscovering time, I can set extremely high standards for its usage.

I am not the only one who cannot go to the bathroom without my cell phone. I tell myself I am multi-tasking. To justify this to me, I first check my work email, before trolling through random headlines, in search of bizarre stories.

So, there are some parts of having time that I need to work on.

But I am grateful for and thankful for the time I have. Being able to make plans is one sign to me that I am closer to living a balanced life with depression. Up against the wall, I am not able to plan. So when I work on my balanced life, it once again includes self-care.

Self-care is still a concept I am working on embracing.

There is time in my day for this, even if my version of self-care involves outdoor, physical work. There is time, because I choose it, to learn more about leading a more balanced life with depression.

And I now make time for the relationships that mean the most to me.

This has been the best part of my new relationship with time. Valuing the time I have with family, especially my wife, makes me so grateful. At the same time, I know it really angers depression that I am more focused on others than on it. But that is depression’s problem, not mine.

I am thankful for time because it gives me a chance to learn more about building a balanced life with depression

Filed Under: Depression, Facts and myths about mental illness, Featured Home, Mental Health Tagged With: depression, self care, time

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I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder. As I meet others with mental illness, they often tell me they feel alone.

With 40+ years of living with concealed depression, I write my blog to let others know you are not alone. Others are going through the same things.

And I write to share what I am learning so you and I can lead a balanced life.

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