I wish I could say yes to joy, to being happier. There are many emotions I am familiar with, but joy and happiness are rarely one of them. OK is the operative word. If someone asks how I am doing, I stretch the truth and say that I am “darn glad to be here.” Now while that isn’t a lie, it is often far from my real expectations. I am familiar with the change triangle and … [Read more...] about Am I Able to Be Happier, to Feel Joy?
We reached the summit in seven days, but day four almost ended my attempt. How did I think the entire trip would be rain free? What caused me to optimistically think that there would be no rain and the climb would be all monkeys and giraffes in the wild? I had looked at long-range forecasts for Tanzania, and Africa before leaving America. The website even had forecasts based … [Read more...] about What Made Depression Almost Keep Me From Summiting Mt. Kilimanjaro?
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash Seeking help in April 2019 was one of the hardest things I have ever done. And yet, had I not picked choice number three that morning, I might not be writing this. As I said before that morning, I saw only three choices: End it allKeep doing the same things I had been doing and keep expecting a different resultSeek Professional medical … [Read more...] about 3 Years and 9 Months After Admitting Depression, I Can Say Merry Christmas
Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash The first thing I learned is you cannot hide the results of skin cancer removal. For the first 48 hours, I had a huge bandage on my face that covered the surgical crater left from Moh’s surgery. I had instructions, not to bathe or get the bandage wet in any way. The nurse covered to an area with petroleum jelly and covered … [Read more...] about What I Learned Having Skin Cancer Removed from My Face
It’s seems such an easy thing, for everyone has an idea of what their own joy looks like. So why is it I cannot feel the emotion? Instead, I play defense and do anything I can to avoid joy. Joy is a risk. And suddenly I cannot figure out a way to take a risk. I’ve got depression on the run, or at least sitting in the back row. Why chance depression’s return by taking a … [Read more...] about Why Can’t I Get Joy into My Head?