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My Concealed Depression

You are here: Home / Featured Home / The Beetle by the Pool and What Panama Is Teaching Me About Retirement

The Beetle by the Pool and What Panama Is Teaching Me About Retirement

February 16, 2026 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

I am looking at a huge beetle climbing up beside the swimming pool.

It moved slowly along the edge of the shadow and then turned and went down the step. I lost it when it moved so that my view of it was blocked by a hammock. Now it went up again. And when I looked up from typing, it was down again.

It must be looking for food, not escape.

One last thing about the beetle. From end to end of the body, it is almost 3 inches long. I’m not sure what the metric equivalent is, but next time I photograph something like this, I will put something in for scale. It’s still working on breakfast within the confines of the shade. Now it dawns on me what it looks like.

I know it’s not, but it looks like a dung beetle from a David Attenburo episode.

With my daughter here for the first two weeks, we squeezed in a lot of sights. Most were to tourist destinations such as the Panama Canal and monkey watching. This week we drove to Boquete for three days. Then we drove to the Pacific coast and joined a snorkeling boat trip out to a reef system in the Pacific Ocean.

We stayed at three different Airbnbs in 5 days.

Yet in two short weeks, we spent many days in the old Panama City. We ate in the two highest rooftop restaurants in the city. And we got to the Saturday night special session of the Biodiversity Museum and learned a lot about the mammal fossils and how Panama was formed. The museum is on the causeway out to the island where the canal tour ship docked to let us off.

Now we are back to our base, ½ hour from Panama City.

Each time we cross the Bridge of the Americas to get into Panama City, the canal is right there. I imagine that the locals are immune to it or possibly dislike it because they don’t really own it. But that argument is for another time.

I still haven’t written about how I am feeling.

I‘m pretty sure that what I want to write about is how Panama is making me feel. But one of the last words of advice my daughter said to me before she left was to “make sure that I am putting on my air mask before helping others.” Point well taken. I know she means well, and the saying has a lot of energy.

So, how do I feel about the first two weeks in a foreign country?

It is hot during the day, even in Boquete. Although in Boquete, it was much windier, and it got cooler after the sun went down. And we had several days of rainbows. That was pretty cool. It had not rained before we left, so they may have gotten a rainbow later.

At Reys, a supermarket chain, the expats were easy to spot.

Both in Boquete and here near Panama City, I saw right away who they were. My brother is considering relocating here. I imagine that if he did, he would be recognized quickly, too. Knowing some Spanish, the idea is appealing. But he is philosophically opposed to Police checkpoints. After getting waved through the first two, we had to show passports yesterday and today.

Today, the Policia only wanted my information because I was driving.

My brother had his information out since yesterday all three of us had to show our passports. After kvetching about the intrusion into his private life, my brother complied without incident, and we drove forward purposefully from the police checkpoint.

All of this has nothing to do with how I feel about my time in Panama.

It should be a simple question with an easy answer. OK, so I am in Panama and have seen so many things that I had not seen before. I did keep reminding my daughter, and therefore myself, that we are in the heat in Panama. We both think that’s cool.

When we flew down two weeks ago, it was 14 degrees in Virginia, and when we landed, it was almost 90 degrees.

That is an amazing difference. Near Panama City, the day and night are very close to the same temperature. Near the Pacific Ocean, it never cooled off. Boquete has both a day and a cooler nighttime temperature.

The ideal temperature for my 70-year-old body could be here in Panama.

But before I consider this any further, I want to visit Portugal. I hear that it is even better overall. The cost of living can be even less than in Panama. Panama can be inexpensive, especially outside the city. So far, in two weeks, I have met only one Panamanian who was not pleasant and helpful. Even though I do not really speak Spanish, I feel comfortable here.

I am already not fluent in Spanish, so not speaking Portuguese is the same.

I am thinking of visiting Portugal in October. The crowds will be gone, yet the temperature will still be warm. The cities in the travel book are stunning, and the rail system is top-notch. I am thinking of a place where I can walk to the market. I am certain I can rent a car if necessary. But I would forgo the expense of owning and maintaining a vehicle.

I am spending 28 days in Panama and will probably only spend 14 days in Portugal.

It has been 2 ½ months since I retired. I feel like everything is moving fast. I do not understand that. Reading others’ thoughts on retirement, I thought slow and quirky was the way to go. I came across an actress who retired. She stated that she is really enjoying retirement. She says she sleeps late when she needs to, and dances in the rain when she wants to.

I’ll keep thinking about slowing down, and will write more about that when I make the time.

Filed Under: Depression, Facts and myths about mental illness, Featured Home, Mental Health, My Depression, Self Care Tagged With: concealed depression, depression, mental health, mental health matters, Panama, Panama Canal, teaching

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