I went to bed after midnight and thought I was having therapy this morning.
I woke up at 6 am and got up at 6:40 am. After going to the bathroom and making my bed, I went into the kitchen to make coffee. Then I took my phone and began to review last night’s emails and text messages.
That’s when I realized that this is only Tuesday, and my Zoom therapy session is on Wednesday.
I am really angry at myself right now. I cannot believe that I messed up the dates like that. How could I rthis morning thinking that I had therapy?
I “Zelle”d the cost of my therapy session on Monday instead of Tuesday.
I always do that sometime on Tuesday. Being out of the country, once this week’s session was confirmed, I immediately sent the cost of the session to my therapist. So, Monday became Tuesday, and Tuesday AM was, in my head, Wednesday. I was really looking forward to talking with my therapist. And now I must wait another day to do that.
It feels unfair.
Why must I wait another 24 hours? Why can’t today be Wednesday? Well, look at that. I used “it feels” in a sentence. I didn’t need my therapist to drag it out of me. And I didn’t need any coaxing; I just said it. That is what I am feeling right now. The feelings wheel that my therapist pulls out from time to time does not specifically list unfair.
Now, I am expressing this emotion about myself, without assistance from my therapist.
Perhaps I am making progress. I know a year ago I would not have been able to say unfair about myself. I almost always wouldn’t even think about it. My focus was on helping others. Now I am able to say that about and to myself. I can see why my therapist thinks I am making progress.
So, that is what I am feeling this morning, unfairness and anger at myself for not thinking through what day it is.
Lonely falls under the sad section of the wheel. And sharing that is new for me. Until I began working with my therapist, I would never say ‘that’s unfair.” Well, I would never say it about me and my situation. I can see myself saying this about others. In the past, I felt obligated to say something like this.
But what comes close is lonely.
Having written this out, I feel better. Even with my glasses on, the type on the wheel is small. Better became bitter on the wheel. Bitter is linked to anger. I do not believe that I saw better as bitter on purpose. Of course, I know from NCIS that there are no coincidences. I may be a little bit bitter about having to wait 24 hours to speak to my therapist.
And bitter is a part of anger, which I definitely I feel.
These are my feelings this morning. I am not proud of them, but they represent how I felt when I realized that I had to wait 24 more hours before speaking with my therapist. I am certain that this is a success story, not a failure. Feeling my anger has been something I have wanted to explore, but until this morning, I wasn’t able to.
Now I am wondering what she will ask me.
How do I feel? What have I done since we last spoke? Am I rushing toward therapy for good reasons? Now I am just overthinking it. I will make one or two notes and meet honestly with my therapist. Never mind that I thought things would start in 8 minutes.
I will live until tomorrow, and will still be able to report my progress.
Originally published in Medium, February 17, 2026
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