My Concealed Depression

My thoughts on my lifetime of Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation.

mental health

For Eight Years I Saw a Different Psychiatrist Every Year

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What finally happened when someone asked a simple question about my depression medication? My Peer Advocate, from On Our Own, has been after me for several years to speak with her doctor about my medication. For some reason, I had never really considered the idea. I would say, “yeah, yeah” when she would bring it up, but then not follow up with a phone call or a Google … [Read more...] about For Eight Years I Saw a Different Psychiatrist Every Year

I Thought Therapy Was Today: A Lesson in Anger, Loneliness, and Emotional Growth

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I went to bed after midnight and thought I was having therapy this morning. I woke up at 6 am and got up at 6:40 am. After going to the bathroom and making my bed, I went into the kitchen to make coffee. Then I took my phone and began to review last night’s emails and text messages. That’s when I realized that this is only Tuesday, and my Zoom therapy session is on … [Read more...] about I Thought Therapy Was Today: A Lesson in Anger, Loneliness, and Emotional Growth

The Beetle by the Pool and What Panama Is Teaching Me About Retirement

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I am looking at a huge beetle climbing up beside the swimming pool. It moved slowly along the edge of the shadow and then turned and went down the step. I lost it when it moved so that my view of it was blocked by a hammock. Now it went up again. And when I looked up from typing, it was down again. It must be looking for food, not escape. One last thing about the … [Read more...] about The Beetle by the Pool and What Panama Is Teaching Me About Retirement

I Wrote About Panama to Avoid Writing About Me

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Photo by Manuel González Asturias, SJ on Unsplash We are at Boquete in Panama, and there is no hot water. I just put a pot of coffee on, and I am not ready to face the hot water problem. My brother has emailed the Airbnb owner and is waiting for a response. My daughter stated that she had the same issue last night. She was able to stand the water for general washing, but … [Read more...] about I Wrote About Panama to Avoid Writing About Me

I Went to See the Panama Canal—and Avoided My Feelings Instead

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We flew from Dulles Airport near Washington, DC (USA) on Sunday morning. It was a brisk 16 degrees Fahrenheit. It is now Thursday, and the air temperature just outside of Panama City, near the canal, is already 82 degrees. We are picking up my son tonight and have booked a 6-hour boat tour that includes traveling through the locks. I cannot wait! Today, we are starting … [Read more...] about I Went to See the Panama Canal—and Avoided My Feelings Instead