A plan without action is just a wish, or a dream.
Taking action puts the plan out there. Yes, it can be scary because now people know what you are doing. They see the results of your actions. I feel I can create the best plans, but in the past few weeks, I have executed very few. I’m not a deer in headlights, but I sure am not feeling insync with myself. But today I changed how I thought about things.
This morning, I made it a point to load the truck with our bear-proof garbage can, and all of our cardboard recycling.
Then I was off to the dump. Before that, I made a list of what I want to accomplish today. Wishing the bedroom carpet would vacuum itself was not happening. As we do not have a Rumba, vacuuming the old-fashioned way is how I did it. Believe me, based on the amount of fur in the carpet, vacuuming was overdue.
I called the vet and made an appointment for tomorrow to have our dog’s nails done.
While she is there, they check her anal glands. Beagles seem to be susceptible to these becoming blocked. And I made a reservation for Rikki to be boarded while I am out of town. Between work and college classes, my daughter will have plenty to do without caring for the dog. And Rikki has been there before and knows the techs.
Additionally, I am working on my travel packing list.
I put down reminders of things like power cords for recharging devices, bathroom supplies, and clothes for the week. There are birthday and Halloween cards to remember, along with my laptop and I pad. Not sure being unplugged will be a part of the trip, but parts of days maybe.
Finally, I went into town after the dump and had the oil changed in my truck
Tomorrow I will have the tires rotated and the pressures checked. It may be time for a new battery, too. This is the original 2017 battery. The battery was in the truck when I received it. Synthetic oil changes every 5,000 miles and this truck may get over 340K miles, like my Jeep.
This morning, getting out of bed was still an issue.
Ever since my psychiatrist added 10mg of Prozac to my daily 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL, getting out of bed has gotten increasingly tougher. My plan is to brainstorm ideas and come up with a plan that will eliminate this side effect.
And I’m not sure if this is related, but I am hot all the time.
My temperature is always normal when I check it. But many times recently I am just uncomfortable.I have never minded the cold. I wear a short-sleeved shirt at work, even in the winter. And in the darkest, coldest, snowiest days of January, I have my jacket in the truck, “just in case it really gets cold.”
So, I have two side effects to discuss with my psychiatrist.
Now I am still getting up and getting to work. It’s that high-functioning depression/anxiety. I’m a master at doing the things I must do each day.
But I am also the master of using my attitude to defeat myself.
I went to town, got the oil changed in the truck, delivered the birthday card, visited with Mom, and returned in a little mor than 2 hours. For the past few weeks, visualizing me going into town seemed to be an all-day affair. I couldn’t possibly do anything else if I drove into town.
That all-or-nothing thinking has me again.
If I go into town, I think that I cannot do anything else that day. So, to get other things done, such as getting on the tractor and mowing the lawn, I must forgo driving into town.
Of course, I proved this unhelpful thinking style wrong today.
But I had spent the better part of a month believing the self-imposed limits on myself and what I could accomplish. This could be fortune-telling, too. Because I foretold the future without ever looking at the reality of what I wanted to do. Having worked in town, I knew I could be there in less than 30 minutes.
But I told myself this wasn’t true, that if I went it would take all day.
This has been the same way with making calls to Mom. Using the wonderful View Clix system that my brother had installed in Mom’s room, we can “face time” with her and she doesn’t even need to answer the phone. Yes, the connection can be noisy, and yes, Mom will often ask the same question time after time. But being there in one form or another is good for her and me.
Calling Mom more frequently and visiting is not about me, it is about her.
Remembering that, I have been motivated to forge ahead and make the calls, make the visits. And Mom is enjoying the attention. She does have my sister, brother-in-law and my brother stopping in and calling regularly. And my sister out west calls Mom very frequently. The staff all know our names and we theirs.
Mom has daily contact with at least one of her children.
I am glad I have worked through this unhelpful thinking style and have changed my attitude towards these two activities. This new confidence is working it’s way into other, more mundane tasks. While writing this, I took a minute and shook out the blankets on the sofa that Rikki likes to curl up on. They are now in the washer.
A few days ago, even thinking about doing this would have been too much.
So, I will keep going on my list today. I will get started packing and setting in one place everything I plan to take. There are still five days before I leave. Starting early gives my brain a chance to identify things I didn’t automatically write down.
Having my psychiatrist help figure out how I can get out of bed will be another step in taking action.
I hear the washer signaling that it has completed its washing, so I am off to get the blankets in the dryer.