Photo by Alvaro Reyes on Unsplash If I think I want or need something, shouldn’t that be enough? Yet here I am negotiating with myself over what I want. Even after a lifetime of making my own choices, I am stuck between my ideas and depression. Now it is possible that my depression has allowed me a few “wins.” You know, just enough to keep me in the game. My … [Read more...] about Why Must My Depression Decide What I Really Want or Need?
My Depression is Waiting for Me to Say, “I Give Up”
Photo by Hasnain Babar on Unsplash My depression can only push me so far or it will lose its host. After all, if I die, then depression dies too. So it is in depression’s best interest to keep me alive and kicking. Even when it has me in the abyss, its focus is on keeping me up against that wall. If I cannot feel anything or envision any way forward, depression is … [Read more...] about My Depression is Waiting for Me to Say, “I Give Up”
Why Can’t I Get Joy into My Head?
It’s seems such an easy thing, for everyone has an idea of what their own joy looks like. So why is it I cannot feel the emotion? Instead, I play defense and do anything I can to avoid joy. Joy is a risk. And suddenly I cannot figure out a way to take a risk. I’ve got depression on the run, or at least sitting in the back row. Why chance depression’s return by taking a … [Read more...] about Why Can’t I Get Joy into My Head?
My Attitude Is Being Controlled By Depression
After my days on 5 East, I was certain depression would not be in charge of my attitude ever again. Well, that feeling came to me months after my 4 days there. Being alone with the staff, I was still very much up against the wall, and the fact that I had finally taken a different action and gotten a different response was still sinking in. Leading a balanced life with … [Read more...] about My Attitude Is Being Controlled By Depression
Is My Depression Keeping Me from The Finish Line?
Or as I am surmising, there is no finish line. But for certain activities, or events, there is a conclusion. Then why is it I feel as if it is never ending, and I am always one step from completing the challenge? Days turn into nights. The day ends and the night begins. This is very basic stuff. So why am I having trouble visualizing me crossing the finish line for my own … [Read more...] about Is My Depression Keeping Me from The Finish Line?