My Concealed Depression

My thoughts on my lifetime of Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation.

unhelpful thinking styles

Has It Been Three Years Since I Was Pulled Over? – Road Rage Part 5

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I don’t believe it’s fair to blame my depression for my speeding. After all, my depression is not driving the truck, I am. And while depression is putting unhelpful thinking to work, I should know better. I certainly should have known better traveling a back road after 12 AM and then passing through a work zone. When the officer came to the window he said: “Sir, did you … [Read more...] about Has It Been Three Years Since I Was Pulled Over? – Road Rage Part 5

Would I Be a Contender If I Get Out of My Own Way?

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Photo by Braden Collum on Unsplash So, the stars aren’t perfectly aligned for me to be a contender today. The few times they have been, depression was involved, and the outcome wasn’t pretty. My depression has this way of making things seem alright, and then it springs its trap. One second I am thinking “Life is good,” and the next I am circling the drain. Now when … [Read more...] about Would I Be a Contender If I Get Out of My Own Way?

I’m Gaining Weight – Can I Blame My Depression?

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Photo by Total Shape on Unsplash 172.5 pounds is where I bottomed out after returning from Africa. And if I had let the scale finish this morning, it would have read 185 and something. But as soon as I saw the 185, I jumped off the scale and did not let it finish and lock in a weight. After all, if it’s not in writing, it's not official. Yet my body can tell that it’s … [Read more...] about I’m Gaining Weight – Can I Blame My Depression?

My Depression Has Me Catastrophizing Instead of Fixing My Sleep Problem

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Photo by Rehina Sultanova on Unsplash I have only been using the CPAP machine for two days, but already the morning fog is lifting. It’s possible that CPAP may have helped me a few years ago. But then, the issue ended up being my medication. Once I switched from Prozac to Wellbutrin, I was able to get out of bed and meet the day. I am still so thankful for my new … [Read more...] about My Depression Has Me Catastrophizing Instead of Fixing My Sleep Problem

What I Have Learned About My Depression

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Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash I want to say that I have figured it out and have all of the answers. If I could say, “I understand what and why,” that would be amazing. And by saying that, I would be saying that my depression will never appear again. In the past, my trips to the abyss have been lengthy and very brutal. So I want to never, ever again, circle the … [Read more...] about What I Have Learned About My Depression