I don’t know about this.
Taking two days to spend with family visiting from out of town? Not going to my day job because I requested off.
Not going into my home office and writing? Not worrying about mowing the south 40, or edging around the porch with the weed eater?
How is that even possible to not think, worry, obsess, or be anxious about taking care of these items?
I am so excited about having company. We have had this weekend on the calendar for months. There will be a birthday party, and all the immediate family is planning to come. There will be a special dinner, time for board games, and if the weather cooperates, we will end with some fireworks.
There will also be time to visit other families, making the rounds to see as many as possible.
This, along with the daily tasks of eating, of having our morning coffee on the porch, taking in the view of the mountains. My weekend will be occupied with family. And that should be my entire focus. After all, it is not too often that we are together. And I owe it to myself and to my family to be present, in the moment, to make the most of our time together.
Unhelpful thinking is already saying, “well, what about your writing? What about your plan to change the oil in the tractor? Weren’t you going to get the oil changed in your truck? Unhelpful thinking is pushing me into the future when it asks me “I thought you were going to re-roof the shed?” And unhelpful thinking is nagging me to think about anything that is not related to the family visit.
How unkind is that?
I have been excited about this visit for months, but now that they will be here tonight, my mind is not letting me relax and enjoy the visit. I am all jacked-up about things that I “should be doing.” But the reality is that what I should be doing is enjoying the visit.
We are ready. The sheets have been changed in the guest bedroom, the vacuuming has been done, fresh towels laid out and I even checked that the time on the alarm clock in the bedroom is accurate. We have cleaned the kitchen, emptied the recycling, and gotten in food stuffs they enjoy. We pulled out the cappuccino machine and made sure to have fresh coffee beans on hand.
So where is my disconnect coming from that is keeping me from seeing that not doing everything else is a bad thing?
I am proud that I have thought about this ahead of time. I am aware of the potential to not be present. So that is a good sign that I can see that my thoughts are not helpful, or realistic. Everything will be alright around the house. If I don’t write over the weekend, I will be collecting memories that will fill pages in the future.
Thanks for letting me work this out. Writing out my ideas and thoughts have been a big part of my continuous and on-going recovery. Having a chance this morning to think about and picture the weekend gives me a chance to frame it in a healthier way.