What would I do? How would I think? What would I spend my time doing? Firstly, I need to factor in my diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. Figuring out how to manage it has been my #1 focus for 4 ½ years. I still learn things every day about tools that will continue to give me an edge. And in that time, I have, with help, navigated different … [Read more...] about What Would Make Me the Happiest?
Mental Health
I’m Still Pushing That Rock Up the Same Hill
Photo by Cerys Lowe on Unsplash If the rock was like the one that pushed me to the hospital, I’m not sure I would be here. That morning, the rock was so massive and the hill so steep, I couldn’t imagine how I was going to move it. Just the thought of pushing against it was impossible to think about. Everything was numb, and the rock was there staring at me. It felt … [Read more...] about I’m Still Pushing That Rock Up the Same Hill
My Depression Has Me Falling in and Out of Love
I don’t like it, but I cannot seem to stop depression from doing it. Despite my depression, there are parts of most days where I am in love. I am especially in love when I am thinking about her. And there are moments when we are together that are special. We play board games together on the back deck and take walks around the property with our dog. These are the times I … [Read more...] about My Depression Has Me Falling in and Out of Love
Joy Has Been Elusive for Years, But I May Have Found It Again
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash Joy is one emotion that has been missing over the past 4 or 5 years. Not days, or weeks, but years. That’s a long time. 365 days times 4 years equals 1,465 days. Five years is that plus 365. And for much of that time, I did not even know I was not experiencing joy. I was happy if I experienced any emotion. And yes, … [Read more...] about Joy Has Been Elusive for Years, But I May Have Found It Again
Side Effects Be Damned, Now I’m Taking 30 mg of Remeron
Photo by Jacqueline Munguía on Unsplash This new development is not exactly what I had envisioned when I got up this morning. Well, I guess this is not what my Peer Advocate had envisioned. She had expected my psychiatrist to switch me to Abilify, or one of the two other similar medications. So instead of taking 30 mg of Remeron, I would replace that with a dose of … [Read more...] about Side Effects Be Damned, Now I’m Taking 30 mg of Remeron
