Photo by Jacqueline Munguía on Unsplash
This new development is not exactly what I had envisioned when I got up this morning.
Well, I guess this is not what my Peer Advocate had envisioned. She had expected my psychiatrist to switch me to Abilify, or one of the two other similar medications. So instead of taking 30 mg of Remeron, I would replace that with a dose of Abilify.
In all fairness to my peer advocate, she just wants what’s best for me.
And she has had personal experience with Abilify, and no firsthand experience with Remeron. So, in her mind adding that is her first choice. She and I have talked about this several times over the past 6 months. She also mentioned that Abilify is the only drug of the three that is available as generic. The other two similar medications are not generic and are much more expensive per dose.
I write this having taken the 5th dose of 30mg last night at bedtime.
Joy and excitement are on the horizon this morning. There is a subtle change in my mood as I go about my morning routine. I got the hose turned on to water the garden. Then I started a load of clothes in the laundry. I had already started the coffee. Then I put out the bird feeders.
The bears upended my neighbor’s trash can just before dark last night.
So now I am back to having a daily reminder on my phone to bring in the bird feeder. The bears must have tired of their nightly routes and have come back to our side of the holler. Until I learned better, the bears would periodically shred my bird feeders, helping themselves to the bounty. This includes the suet, which they seem to relish.
But I digress.
I do that. First, I will start to write about what is on my mind. Then I go off on a tangent about something else. I see the relationship and so these excursions seem logical to me. But how this is viewed by others is not clear. I want my ramblings to be understood and even appreciated.
However, I write for me, to understand my relationship with my depression.
So, I allow myself these divergences and think of them as a warmup act. I can occasionally feel awkward and guarded as I broach certain topics, interjecting some other thoughts allows me time to get to what I really want to understand.
Back to my medication, I can feel a difference this morning.
My daily medication includes 450 mg of Wellbutrin when I get up in the morning. And now I have 30 mg of Remeron when I go to bed. One of the key side effects can be sleepiness. The warnings instruct you not to operate heavy equipment until you know how the drug will affect you. 30 mg of Remeron added to the Wellbutrin is today, helping me to lead a more balanced life.
But what Remeron is not doing is helping me sleep.
Last night, I went to bed just before 11 PM. Then the wakings began. I was awake at 12:30 AM, 2:30 AM, 4:00 AM, and 5:30 AM. Then I slept until 8:00 AM when my alarm went off. It seems like I sleep the best just before I must arise. While 5:30 AM seemed too early to get up, 8:00 AM seemed extremely late. My target time is 7:00 AM. Now I cannot place all the blame for not sleeping on my depression medication.
My general practitioner is helping me with my prostrate.
I still go as much as I used to, but it takes me longer than it used to. It is very possible that the nighttime wakings are related to this issue and not Remeron. I am going back to my GP soon and will ask him about this. We leave for Peru and the Inca trail in 70 days. I want to get a checkup and a refill of my altitude sickness medication. Plus, I want to make sure he is aware of the Remeron I am taking.
My psychiatrist has a full list of what I am taking, including over-the-counter supplements.
I just want to be sure that my regular doctor is up to date. In the past month, I have stopped taking Allegro and Glucosamine Chondroitin. However, I am still taking daily:
- Red Yeast Rice 1200mg twice daily
- One A Day Vitamin for those 50+
- Fish Oil
- Prostrate pumpkin and cranberry mix
My GP is aware of my OTC regimen but may not know I have stopped taking the two supplements listed above.
I do have an ulterior motive for scheduling a visit. I need more anti-altitude sickness medication. What he prescribed for my trek to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro worked very well. The only altitude side effect I experienced was a loss of appetite. And that occurred after we got to 14,000 feet. I still have a summit photo as one of two screen savers on my phone.
It is hard to believe that we will be trekking the Inca Trail in Peru, two months from now.
Suddenly, I think I am looking forward to going. I might even be experiencing a mild amount of excitement. Will this feeling continue? My hope is that it will. Of course, hope and prayer are a starting point, but action turns dreams into reality.
The more I can control how I react to circumstances, the closer I will be to leading a balanced life.
I keep reminding myself that my ability to decide what I will think about events is the one thing no one can take away. Even my depression has a hard time getting my attention when I am focused and have made up my mind about something.
Of course, that same trait my depression loves because once it gets me thinking, I will act.
And those actions may be counter to what I would do or think if I hadn’t taken depression advice. But for now, there is a bit of a spring in my step and my can-do attitude is more natural and way less forced.
Tonight will be day six of my taking 30 milligrams of Remeron at bedtime.
I am not going to complain about not sleeping if I find that I can lead a balanced life with my depression.
What medications help you? Your comments are welcome and appreciated
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