I’m Feeling Rushed Today

And it’s my day off from my day job, a self-care day.

Yet I once again did not get up early. I used the excuse that I got in just before midnight and didn’t get to bed until almost 1 AM. But I’ve used that excuse before, saying I need to make sure I get enough sleep.

Now that I write this, I see that I have flipped the equation on its head.

For months, I had been writing about not getting enough sleep. I was going to bed at 10 to 1030 PM, then waking up at 1, 3 4, 5 and 6:30 AM. Each time I would try to get back to sleep. This went on for months.

Now I am trying to wake up.

I have been dragging my feet about calling my Psychiatrist about the change that he and I discussed in November.  We agreed that I would increase my Prozac from 20 mg. daily, to 40 mg daily. And coincidentally, shortly after that, I began to have trouble getting up in the morning.

READ MORE: Doing the drugs part II

The bottom line is I have been using excuses not to address the situation.

I have time traveled into the past and the future, creating scenarios about how busy my Psychiatrist is and then minimizing my feelings; “well its only my not being able to get out of bed.” There is a pattern of making any excuse not to address the issue of getting started in the morning.

And on top of that, I am feeling on a deadline.

Not just about the sleep issue, but about the day. I do not want to waste it, but I am feeling that I have set myself up to waste it by not getting out of bed until 9 AM. The old me would have thought this a sin, to waste such a marvelous part of the day.

Mornings have been my most productive time.

READ MORE: Can I tell you the truth?

Yet now, I am not sure where or when I am productive. I seem to be making it up as I go, at least on some days. And I am feeling rushed as a result. My plan today is to get to a WRAP meeting (wellness recovery action plan) at 12:30. It is already 10:42 AM. I need to get going, to shower, shave, and put on clean clothes.

I’d better hurry up!