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“I Suffer From Depression.” Here’s What I Am Learning.

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You are here: Home / Covid19 / It Just Feels Like More of The Same

It Just Feels Like More of The Same

June 13, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Everything is the same now that I am back from visiting my grandson so I need to adjust my attitude
Photo by Erol Ahmed on Unsplash

I know getting back from traveling has its up and downsides.

Up, I get to sleep in my own bed. The down, there is a suitcase full of laundry that needs to be washed. And the lawn grew about three feet taller in the 8 days we were gone. I will need several hours to get this mowed.

But I wouldn’t trade my time with my grandson for anything.

He is going to be two years old towards the end of July. He has matured in so many ways over the past 22 months. If you ask him what the cow says, he will tell you. He will play with me both inside and outside and he is now appreciating books.

He was born at the height of the pandemic.

We didn’t get to see him in person until he was 9 months old. It took that long for his parents and us to get fully vaccinated. This was the downside, while the Up is we have been traveling to see him every 6 weeks since then. I don’t want to miss all of the small changes that happen in that short time.  And I want him to know who his grandfather is.

Taking the same flights each time, we are getting to be on a first-name basis with the flight crew.

As usual, I have pictures of our time with him. But I really do not have many based on the 8 days we were with him. Most of my time was spent just looking at him, watching him as he played. Being in the moment, I wasn’t thinking about taking pictures.

Maybe that’s what I am missing now, that being in the moment.

My anxiety is wrapped around what I don’t have in front of me, my grandson. And I am beginning to stress about what I will find when I return to work today. And then there is the laundry that I have almost, but not quite completed. Plus, once it is done, I need to put it all away.

All of this is familiar, the feelings surrounding my trip.

First, there is anticipation. I get to think about what new things he will be doing. And then comes the reality that I work until 7 PM the night before our flight and I must get up at 4 AM to drive 2 hours to the airport. Plus, I still need to do a load of laundry so I can finish packing.

Once at the airport, I am in the pilots’ hands.

And then we are at our destination, and I get to see my grandson’s face light up as we approach the car. That makes everything alright. So maybe more of the same is my way of appreciating the time I got to spend with my grandson?

It is up to me to decide how I will think about the situation.

The newest upside is we will be seeing my grandson next month to help celebrate his second birthday. So, a new round of anticipation has begun. Until then, I will focus on all of the new things I have seen my grandson do. I am so thankful for the time I was able to spend with my grandson. He is the most amazing child I have met (OK I know I am a little biased). Well, his parents and my other children are in the same category. My world has been so much richer because of them.

So, bring on the more of the same, I am ready to find a new way of thinking about it.

Filed Under: Covid19, Depression, Facts and myths about mental illness, Featured Home, Unhelpful thinking Tagged With: concealed depression, control my attitude, depression, mental health, the same, unhelpful thinking styles

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I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder.  I am genuinely determined to figure out my personal relationship with depression. With 40+ years of living with concealed depression, I write my blog to find answers. 

I once got so carried away searching for answers that I even earned a  certification in  SMART Recovery. 

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