My Concealed Depression

My thoughts on my lifetime of Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation.

concealed depression

It doesn’t feel like “7 more shopping days” until Christmas

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This year, getting in the holiday spirit is not automatic. Traditionally, I have been all over the holidays. The traditions, getting together with family, getting out decorations has been enjoyable. When the kids were smaller, they helped fuel the excitement of the season. Christmas is on autopilot, and I am going through the motions. There have been several … [Read more...] about It doesn’t feel like “7 more shopping days” until Christmas

Today I wish I were sad

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That would be a step up from where I am right now. The harder I work on my recovery, the further behind I feel. Now part of this may be the time of year. I know about S.A.D. and what happens when you do not get enough sunlight. This could certainly be a factor in how I feel. But why is it, particularly when I am taking the SMART Training classes and learning so many … [Read more...] about Today I wish I were sad

Have I reached a Plateau? Is it up or down from here?

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30 weeks into my life with depression, I have plateaued. I have no clue as to what is next. It could be I am consolidating what I have learned, assessing what is working and then steeling myself for the next leg up. Or, I am nearer to the abyss than I have been in months, and all I need is a triggering event to throw me head long into that rabbit hole of doom and … [Read more...] about Have I reached a Plateau? Is it up or down from here?

That didn’t last long, now I’m not getting out of bed

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Searching the internet for a picture of “not getting out of bed,†I found that Dr. Seuss had written about this. So maybe it is a “thing.†Not Thing 1 or Thing 2, but a thing. It seems almost everyone has trouble at times wanting to get out of bed. With the warm covers drawn around us, our head on the pillow, … [Read more...] about That didn’t last long, now I’m not getting out of bed