• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact
  • SHOP

You are here: Home / Featured Home / The World Looks Easier at 20,000 Feet

The World Looks Easier at 20,000 Feet

September 20, 2019 by Depression Is Not My Boss 1 Comment

First time om a plane with depression
First time om a plane with depression

The big picture.

That’s what I see from row 6, seat C of the airplane. Almost immediately after takeoff, my perspective changed. At first, I was seeing Buck Mountain Road that I had just traveled to get to the airport.

Then the city passed under us, getting visibly smaller as we climbed to our cruising altitude. Now I am wondering why I am writing in the past tense. I guess it is now the past for we are already 20 minutes into our flight to Chicago.

The other big picture is that life is not always direct.

It takes momentary twists, turns and unforeseen detours. Such was the case today. We should already be in Chicago. I should be picking up the rental car and heading towards the SMART conference. Instead, I am writing this, musing about what happened to the mechanics on our original plane. We had to wait for a replacement flight and then boarded. It has put us over an hour behind.

Now from 20,000 feet, it looks better.

I am reminded that I expect the best but plan for the worst. I have had two decks of Bicycle playing cards, a blue deck, and a red deck, in my travel backpack for years. When there are delays, we can use the two decks and play Kings, or one deck, as we did today, and play Gin Rummy. The cards take up very little space and can be brought out on a moment’s notice.

The benefit of this is I got to spend “face-time” with my traveling companion.

Most of the other travelers at the gate were on their cell phones, heads bent in reverence to the technology we all live with. I was so excited to not be doing that, to be engaging with my travel companion, making conversation and enjoying the company.

I am happy to be learning how to live in the present.

It doesn’t always work that way, but I am certainly enjoying the benefits of it when I can do it. I had fooled others for years, making them think I was being present in the moment with them as my focus, but I realize I was very often fooling even myself. Living with concealed depression, my goal was to look and sound normal (however I thought that needed to be defined at that moment). No chinks in the armor, no hint that I was not perfect.

Listening to others, having a conversation, was often about control.

It was not about hearing what the other person was saying, not trying to ask questions to understand, but rather it was about timing. When the other person would pause to catch their breath before going on, I could jump in and make sure the conversation steered towards where I thought it should go. I would fool myself thinking this was really in the other persons interest.

Depression would remind me that it had the real answers, that by saying as little as possible, never explaining, I would be OK and everyone would get what they needed, especially me. What a crock of you know what.

The more secretive I became under depressions push, the worse things got.

But I couldn’t see that because by then I was in unhelpful thinking, all or nothing territory, and/or fortune-telling where I had the whole story worked out and didn’t need to actually talk to anyone about my plans because it was way too obvious that depression and I had it figured out. It was the world’s greatest plan, but only I could make it happen.

Then when the stuff hit the fan, there were cricket sounds, because depression was nowhere to found.

It had slinked away under cover of darkness, leaving me to pay the bill. And I let that happen time after time after time, for 43 years. So, the point of my writing is to assure myself that I am changing, that I am on the right track for a better future. I can see my progress from up high, and more importantly on the ground, in the present moment.

Seeing the big picture can be healthy and valuable but hiding in the sky is not.

Recognizing the chance to share some face time was a wonderful gift. And that isn’t because I won all the hands we played. I got a chance to deepen a connection and learn more. The world may be easier at 20,000 feet, but life happens on the ground, moment by moment.

I plan to be there for as much of it as I can.

Filed Under: Featured Home, SMART - Self Management And Recovery Training Tagged With: 20000 feet, concealed depression, depression, flying, SMART, SMART Recovery

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. SagotamHira says

    September 21, 2019 at 2:17 AM

    Hi, i have read this article and found it interesting.It will help me.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Joel Natl Career Fair Bio Pic he's using for my concealed depressionHello, I am Joel Quas 

In April 2019, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. By writing things out, I am learning more about my relationship with depression. 

Joel’s Next Book

The US has a a new 988 system that grabs location, not just area code.
https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Is the Question What Comes Next?

June 23, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Why I Am Unpacking the Rules Behind My Perfectly Concealed Depression

June 21, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Best Self Improvement & Personal Development Blogs - OnToplist.com
RSS Search

All my posts – Be careful, some of my older posts could be triggers

  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • My Life Is Going Sideways, Part Two
  • Is the Question What Comes Next?
  • Why I Am Unpacking the Rules Behind My Perfectly Concealed Depression
  • Why My Life Is Going Sideways
  • The Time When I Was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep

Search

Products

  • Evergreen is the story of my life with major depressive disorder. I write to learn more about my mental health Share The Journey As I Write My Next Book - draft "Evergreen"
  • The Six Second Cover Letter™ The Six Second Cover Letter™ $19.99 Original price was: $19.99.$0.00Current price is: $0.00.
  • 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages $14.99
  • 5 gratitude coloring pages from my concealed depression to help reduce anxiety and depression Five - Gratitude Coloring Pages $9.99
  • The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course] The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course]

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma