• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact

“I Suffer From Depression.” Here’s What I Am Learning.

Turnaround
You are here: Home / Unhelpful thinking / Want to get me feeling like I don’t deserve something?

Want to get me feeling like I don’t deserve something?

November 12, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Unhelpful thinking styles because of my depression block and inhibit my ability to feel my core emotion of joy

Then just pay me a compliment.

My mind immediately goes to everything I have ever done that didn’t measure up. I cannot hear the “good job” because my head is filled with “You don’t deserve this,” or “it’s only a matter of time before people figure out I am a fraud or imposter.”

With all that in my head, I cannot hear “good job.”

Now I have been working on this. I understand that my minimizing the “good job,” and maximizing the “you are an imposter,” is the work of my depression. Using unhelpful thinking styles, depression has a track record with me of keeping all the positives to a minimum.

Depression knows that by giving me a compliment, it can send me to guilt and shame.

It doesn’t make sense. Yet here I am, time after time, running from “good job” to “you aren’t good enough.” And I have spent my entire life doing this. Negating the positive about myself, I wallow in the moments where I failed, where I did not make the best decision.

Why do I listen to depression instead of “good job?”

The reality of the situation is almost always that a compliment leaves me feeling embarrassed. Often, I feel like it is what I am supposed to be doing, so I should not be complimented for doing my job. And as I live my life, I should not be complimented for “doing unto others, what I would have done to me. (or words to that effect.)”

Recently, I interviewed for a new position within the company I work for.

Yesterday, I found out I had gotten the promotion. My current boss sent out an announcement to the staff and posted a copy at the time clock. Within minutes, the congratulations began pouring in. “Congratulation,” “well deserved,” “you will be missed,” “we are all proud of you.”

Staff

Please join me in congratulating Joel on his promotion to Assistant General Manager. While Joel has only been with us for a short time, his impact on our success has been phenomenal. While I hate to lose such a great team member, I couldn’t be happier for him and this career opportunity. 

JM General Manager

“Thank you” has been my response to those who congratulate me in person.

Understanding my go-to response is “aw shucks, I don’t deserve this,” I am pleased I can say thank you without belittling the compliment or myself. I was able to do that for six hours yesterday. My plan is to steel myself for the responses to my promotion when I arrive at work today.

Maybe it is true.

Perhaps I am doing a good job. After all, I have had this type of positive response every time I have moved to a different building within the company. Comments such as “who will get things done for us once you leave?” and “I have learned so much from you” have been common. You would think that after hearing these positive comments over the course of 40+ years, I would get it.

But clearly, I have not figured it out, and no one understands why better than depression.

My therapist and I have been exploring this for the past few sessions. He even gave me homework that has helped me to see the unhelpful thinking I am using to block the core emotion of joy. Dancing for joy has not been something I have done in many years.

READ MORE: 13 Questions To Challenge Unhelpful Thinking Styles

Now there were times earlier in my life where I allowed joy into my daily life.

But now, I have blocked it. I am putting up defenses against feeling a core emotion. My change triangle has me using guilt, to keep me from experiencing the joy of hearing “good job.”

By blocking joy with unhelpful thinking, I think I am saving myself from something. Oh, I know, it is being an imposter. Ok, so I have done a few things. Maybe I have helped a few people. Maybe my style of management brings out the best in others. Perhaps I even have inspired someone to see their potential.

Now I am back to, “well isn’t that what we are supposed to do?”

Yet I see that many people do not do that. They use others as stepping stones to promote themselves and their agenda’s. And they do not care how others feel as long as their personal needs are met. I see these people doing the CYA maneuver. And they are good at it, sometimes to the point of making others cry. I cannot do that.

 So, I will continue to work on allowing myself to hear “good job” without jumping to unhelpful thinking.

Filed Under: Coping Statements for Depression, Depression, Facts and myths about mental illness, Featured Home, Fortune-Telling, Guilt and Shame, Stress and Anxiety, Time Travel, Unhelpful thinking, Wellness Tools Tagged With: depression, High-functioning depression, promotion, residual depression, unhealthy thinking styles, unhelpful coping statements, unhelpful thinking styles

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder.  I am genuinely determined to figure out my personal relationship with depression. With 40+ years of living with concealed depression, I write my blog to find answers. 

I once got so carried away searching for answers that I even earned a  certification in  SMART Recovery. 

Get my latest posts, (your email is never sold or rented)

I developed a 38 Page Mental Health Tools Flipbook. Complete the Form and Get Your Free Copy Now.

Privacy Policy

Discover Self-Care, Coping Strategies, Understand Anxiety, Track your Triggers, Mood, and Sleep; Recap Therapy Sessions, and more.

https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Am I Able to Be Happier, to Feel Joy?

January 24, 2023 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Depression almost kept me from summiting mount Kilimanjaro with unhelpful, all or nothing thinking

What Made Depression Almost Keep Me From Summiting Mt. Kilimanjaro?

January 21, 2023 By Depression Is Not My Boss

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Your Page Title

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • Is My Anxiety Because I Am Still Unpacking from Africa?
  • Am I Able to Be Happier, to Feel Joy?
  • What Made Depression Almost Keep Me From Summiting Mt. Kilimanjaro?
  • 3 Years and 9 Months After Admitting Depression, I Can Say Merry Christmas
  • What I Learned Having Skin Cancer Removed from My Face

Search

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma