I’m all over the board today. Thinking about, obsessing about, how I will spend my days has really set off a chain of thoughts in my mind. And some realizations. The Prozac must be working as intended. I have not had any suicidal thoughts in days. Not that I have ever acted upon them. Suicidal ideation is the clinical term they used when I was in the hospital. I am told … [Read more...] about “Does it even matter?” Hey, that’s the depression talking.
Archives for June 2019
You will be as surprised as I was. After weeks of saying I was going to get back to the gym, I went today. I had thought about going every day since I got home from the hospital. In fact, I even went once during the first week I was home. And then nothing. If this was a movie, it would be a dark black background with crickets chirping. The cricket sounds would get louder and … [Read more...] about You won’t believe what it took to get back to the gym
This is one of the key skills I must learn if I am to make sure depression is not my boss. Asking better questions, not just hearing the voice of depression will keep me from making impulsive, rash, and often destructive decisions. In the hospital, I was given a handout titled “How to Challenge Unhelpful Thinking Styles.” My thanks to the nurses at UVA 5 East for this … [Read more...] about When Will I Ask These 12 Better Questions?
The more I learn about depression, the more I see how crafty and stealth it can be. It works just below the conscious level, moving things around at will, so in the end, it pushes you up against the wall. Well, at least that has been my experience. It sneaks around the edges of my life and then springs on me when everything seems to be going great. Depression is not … [Read more...] about Why do the good times always end?
It has been almost 50 years since that day. I rarely ever think about it now and it doesn’t haunt me every waking moment. But when my therapist started talking about self-esteem, this story popped into my head. When I think about not running the race, things get complicated. I remember the day clearly. I was in 9th grade and ran the ½ mile on the track team. We had a meet … [Read more...] about Why didn’t I run that race?