I prepared for the worst and it never came.
In fact, it seems as if I slept through the worst of it. And the worst of it was a little rain, something we desperately need. Based on yesterday’s forecast, Hurricane Isaias, now a tropical storm, was scheduled to spend much of today with us. There were to be 1 to 2 inches of rain and the threat of major power outages as the wind whipped through the area.
I’ve been up for over an hour and blue sky is beginning to peek through the clouds.
When I first got up, I looked at my weather station and we had gotten .43 inches of rain overnight. I was thinking I should not put the bird feeders out, due to the expected winds. But knowing I will be home this morning, I figured I would bring them in once the wind picked up.
Once the coffee was ready, I moved to the front porch to watch the birds feed and the storm roll in.
It turns out I am watching what is left of the storm roll away from the area. There is a little breeze on the ground. Up above, the clouds are moving briskly. And the temperature is markedly cooler. What a change from the past month. We have been setting records for the number of 90+ degree days. This respite is very enjoyable.
Getting up to fill my coffee cup, I see the sky is now more blue than gray and the clouds are thinning.
I think it was Mark Twain who said, “I have lived through many terrible events, some of which have actually happened.” Depression makes it easy to catastrophize events. I can put an all or nothing spin on just about anything. And I did that with the Hurricane.
Yesterday I was worried that I only had 5 gallons of gas for the generator.
If we lost power, this would only be about 8 hours of running the refrigerator, the internet, and the TV. These three things would keep the entire family happy. Being at work until late last night, I was concerned about chairs on the back deck and all the hanging baskets on the front porch.
Commuting home I was filled with stress and anxiety about my preparations for the storm.
This is crazy because I love any type of weather. Rain, snow, hail, clouds, wind. All of these are part of our weather patterns and part of life. Why should I be stressing about getting ready? It’s not like I have never done this before. And the things I am worried most about will only take a few minutes to take care of.
Now the sun is peaking out and will take over the sky in a bit.
The generator goes back in its shed and life goes on. My worry about the storm now seems unfounded. I see there is a fine line between preparation and obsession and worry. I need to learn to apply the tools I am learning to my thinking about physical events. I let my mind spin unchecked and the worst-case scenarios emerged.
The clouds are now nothing more than a few puffy white pieces of cotton against a stellar blue sky.
The rain washed the air, and everything seems crisper now. My day will not be filled with rain and wild winds after all. Unexpectedly, it will be filled with sunshine.
I will regroup and use this day wisely, for it is a gift.
My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.
Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn.
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