My Concealed Depression

My thoughts on my lifetime of Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation.

Facts and myths about mental illness

Will Depression Return if I Retire Again?

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Depression helped me retire the first time, making a cluster of the entire experience. My depression convinced me to scrap over 40 years of planning and jump into retirement with only a sketchy idea of what I was going to do. Now the upside was I finally had off on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. We flew north for an entire week around Thanksgiving. But the nuts … [Read more...] about Will Depression Return if I Retire Again?

Depressed? Why I Hadn’t Considered Myself as Having Depression

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Photo by Hello I'm Nik on Unsplash I have been depressed, with high-functioning (concealed) depression for over 50 years. It wasn’t until I spent 4 days in 5 East that I faced my depression. Until then, I had gotten through each episode and never looked back. There was no critique, no sense that I should do something different. It was over so let’s just move on and … [Read more...] about Depressed? Why I Hadn’t Considered Myself as Having Depression

If Only I Felt Happy, Maybe I Could Be Happy

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Or do I need to “fake it until I make it?” I know all about attitude and how it is the only thing I have control over. But taking that information and turning it into reality is not the same thing. So how do I turn my desire for the feeling of joy, of happiness, into a reality? Over the centuries, many famous, well-known people, have used this technique to keep a positive … [Read more...] about If Only I Felt Happy, Maybe I Could Be Happy

Is My Anxiety Because I Am Still Unpacking from Africa?

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It’s the age-old dilemma, which came first? Am I feeling anxiety and unsettled because I am still unpacking, cleaning, and putting away my climbing clothing and gear from my trip to Africa? Or is it the baskets of washed clothes, my boots, and my down jacket still clogging up the laundry room that make me feel large amounts of anxiety? Either way, things in my home office … [Read more...] about Is My Anxiety Because I Am Still Unpacking from Africa?

3 Years and 9 Months After Admitting Depression, I Can Say Merry Christmas

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Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash Seeking help in April 2019 was one of the hardest things I have ever done. And yet, had I not picked choice number three that morning, I might not be writing this. As I said before that morning, I saw only three choices: End it allKeep doing the same things I had been doing and keep expecting a different resultSeek Professional medical … [Read more...] about 3 Years and 9 Months After Admitting Depression, I Can Say Merry Christmas