Is My Anxiety Because I Am Still Unpacking from Africa?

It’s the age-old dilemma, which came first?

Am I feeling anxiety and unsettled because I am still unpacking, cleaning, and putting away my climbing clothing and gear from my trip to Africa? Or is it the baskets of washed clothes, my boots, and my down jacket still clogging up the laundry room that make me feel large amounts of anxiety?

Either way, things in my home office are still disheveled.

As I move piles of mail, file folders of passwords, and step over the junk mail by the trash can, I can see why I am not myself. My normal routine would be to pick a day and just go at it until all is put away. Without my anxiety, I would easily put away all of my Africa gear. My anxiety lessens and I am much more productive when things are in their place.

I have made some progress in the 14 days I have been back home.

And even though things are not 100%, I have gotten some things washed and sorted. But the big open box containing my new outdoor greenhouse is still in my office. It got moved there when we had company around Christmas. And even though this was only a one-day plan, it is still taking up valuable floor space. Oh, did I mention that my telescope is still in my office? This was supposed to be a short-term storage arrangement while work was being done in the main part of our house. No wonder my anxiety is high.

Now I am dancing around it every day to reach the charger for my work radio.

And there are several boxes that did not quite fit in my office closet. Wanting the office to look better for a zoom meeting, I pulled the boxes out of the closet threshold and closed the closet folding doors. While the room looks better through my computer camera, there is additional clutter from these boxes on the floor.

But wait, I am choosing to not do the cleaning and organizing.

The fact that I returned from Africa and took my jet lag to work the next day seems insignificant. So right away it was the week of inventory at work. Getting enough sleep, getting bills paid, and getting wood up to the porch seemed important on my day off. Oh, and I have been washing clothes for what seems like two full weeks.

Plus, I have anxiety because I have missed 4 weeks of writing.

I miss working through issues as I write a blog post about anxiety. Or maybe it’s what depression has been cooking up for me. Having a chance to think about myself and my depression in the stillness of my office is a privilege that I don’t take lightly. But getting things put away and organized from my trek to Africa still has not happened.

So, what will it take to get me in gear?

This morning, I saw the birds sitting next to mostly empty feeders wondering when I was going to fill them up. This sparked a flurry of activity on my part to restock the feeders. I put in a new suet cake, and a new seed cylinder, and then filled up the regular bird feeders.

I hadn’t gotten to the porch before a bevy of grateful birds descended on the fresh feeders.

After preparing my lunch to take to work, I was checking for emails on my phone. Then I remembered I needed to get my work radio and put it next to my lunch on the hall table. Going into my office and reaching around the telescope, I took the radio out of the charger. It was then that I noticed none of the power lights were on. It didn’t dawn on me that the power could be off, so I was fiddling with the plug to see if it was loose.

Then I saw that everything was off, including the lights.

So, suddenly, my morning routine descended into chaos. Topping off the woodstove, my next step was to start up the generator. I run an extension cord to the refrigerator, the TV, and the internet. One day I will add powwer for the well pump. Currently, we use gallon jugs of water to flush toilets. And we have potable water stored in the basement.

I got it all set up and with help, got the generator running.

My plan was to start it monthly, but that did not happen. The gas sat in the tank for several months before I tried to start it this morning. So I will add that to my monthly checklist and renew my efforts to run it on a regular basis.

Back to the clutter, I suddenly remember large tubs with sealable lids that we use in the basement.

I will get another tub and store all of my climbing gear from Africa in it. Even in the basement, the occasional mouse would not be able to gain entry. And I believe I have one I can repurpose until I can purchase another. Suddenly, I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

My normal routine now feels possible, and I am going to spend the next hour packing and organizing.

So, I will say goodbye, for now, to my anxiety, and hello to packing up, organizing, and decluttering!