As I approach five hundred blog posts over the past 3 years, I am thinking about the future. When I started writing, it was therapy. And it still is. There are many issues that I face living with depression. Many of these are subtle and have taken me time to identify. And then I mull them over, write about them, and then mull over those thoughts. And then I often write more … [Read more...] about Will Depression Let Me Make Money?
I cannot believe depression had me thinking this. Having just gone through a period of four weeks with increasing signs of a relapse, I am relieved that it is over. Well, over for the moment. Not over as in I will never have to go through that again. Yet each time this happens, I want to think it will never happen again. Coming out of the abyss, I see a new world, full of … [Read more...] about With Or Without Depression, It’s Never Always Rainbows and Unicorns
Thirty-three months ago, I returned home after spending four days in 5 East. I was a mess, pure and simple. My diagnosis was Major Depressive Disorder, with suicidal ideation. Heck, just the name sounded like a gigantic problem. My depression left me with no ambition except to make it to the end of the day. My goal then was to make it until dark. Then I could reward myself … [Read more...] about Depression Is Not My Boss (Day 1 revisited)
Before I began learning about how depression works, all I knew were my spectacular crashes. As I thought back on my life, I could clearly see four major episodes that my depression exacerbated. These were times when I was circling the drain, was up against the wall, and could not see any way forward. To an outsider, I can only imagine how that must have looked. But for … [Read more...] about My Depression Operates in The Smallest Spaces
Having control over my attitude towards events is all I can do. But that one thing is extremely powerful. It sent men to the moon after the Soviet Union put Sputnik into space. The US program was still launching high-altitude weather balloons. After Sputnik, the attitude of the country was “we have to do something.” And Kennedy making that promise, in front of the world … [Read more...] about With Depression, I Can Do What I Want, Can’t I?