My Concealed Depression

My thoughts on my lifetime of Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation.

SMART Recovery

In 5 Years, I Have Written 600 Blog Posts About My Life with Depression

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Photo by Gary Meulemans on Unsplash It has been 1,715 days since my 4 days in 5 East. That means I have written 0.35 blog posts per day for 1,715 days. That is 2.85 blog posts on average per week. Being very competitive, I feel the need to justify my efforts. The simple fact that I am still writing these blog posts means, to me, that I haven’t figured … [Read more...] about In 5 Years, I Have Written 600 Blog Posts About My Life with Depression

I am Just Not Good Enough

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Photo by Nik on Unsplash Yesterday I read an article whose theme was “I am just not good enough.” This piqued my curiosity, as I have been wondering if I am just not good enough for a while.  The core of the article centered around the definition of perfectionism. It turns out that, according to the author, perfectionism isn’t about setting high, often impossible … [Read more...] about I am Just Not Good Enough

Am I Having a Depression Remission?

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Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash Is depression remission even a thing? And what makes me think that I am not doing ok with my depression? Do I really have a lot of questions about where I am? Should I be running to my WRAP plan (wellness recovery action plan)? Is it ok that I have not returned the call from my peer advocate from yesterday? I have more questions … [Read more...] about Am I Having a Depression Remission?

My Depression and I Are About to Celebrate Our 4th Anniversary

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Photo by Joy Memon on Unsplash Depression and I go back almost 60 years, but I have only said “I have depression” for the past four. Before that, I was all about getting the episode over so I could get back to my “regular life.” It never occurred to me that living with depression was my regular life. I was so focused on never having depression that I refused to see my … [Read more...] about My Depression and I Are About to Celebrate Our 4th Anniversary

Why Must My Depression Decide What I Really Want or Need?

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Photo by Alvaro Reyes on Unsplash If I think I want or need something, shouldn’t that be enough? Yet here I am negotiating with myself over what I want. Even after a lifetime of making my own choices, I am stuck between my ideas and depression. Now it is possible that my depression has allowed me a few “wins.” You know, just enough to keep me in the game. My … [Read more...] about Why Must My Depression Decide What I Really Want or Need?