• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact
  • SHOP

You are here: Home / Covid19 / Counting Down, While Everyone Else is Adding Up the Days.

Counting Down, While Everyone Else is Adding Up the Days.

April 9, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Counting down to my first anniversary of being hospitalized with Major Depressive Disorder
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – Photo credit: NASA

I’m seeing more and more articles with headlines: Day 18 of Self-Isolation.

It starts with a dire warning, “The kids broke the toaster.” Then they go on to tell you about how the kids are doing beyond the toaster and the baking they have done. All of this is important in their lives and is mildly amusing at times.

My interest in COVID 19 stems from being deemed an essential employee.

And on top of that, Mom is in an Assisted Living facility. My contact with her for the past few weeks has been by phone. I drop packages off in the lobby, where the inside doors shield the workers from the outsiders. I talk to the receptionist via an intercom and then back away slowly, not making any sudden movements.

Outside, I call Mom on my cell.

Then I stand next the Gazebo in the parking lot. Mom’s window faces the front of the building, so we can visit “virtually.” She can see me, and I can see her. She moves a chair up to the window and we can visit. My brother and sisters, and other family members have used this technique to spend time with Mom.

Outside of this and my day job, I am counting down the days until my first anniversary of being in the hospital diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. This milestone is approaching, whether I am ready to relive the experience or not.

Reading some of my first blog posts after my release, I can see how far I have come.

Boy was I sad. And more than that, I was hopeless. I could not see any way forward. I was up against the wall and did not see any way through it, around it, or even over it. The abyss I was in blocked out the light and kept any glimmer of hope from reaching down to where I was.

“Gloom, despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery, if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all, gloom despair and agony on me.”

Watching Hew Haw as a kid, I thought this bit was funny. It never occurred to me that someone would feel that way. Or that people lived with depression, nerves as my family labeled it. The fact that I would grow up to have it, was not something I would ever have imagined.

READ MORE: What’s the point of my life?

Yet here I am, counting down the days until the first anniversary of my hospitalization for depression.

My progress has plateaued. I do not feel like I am moving forward right now. Thankfully, I do not feel like I am falling backwards, either. This is a great relief. My first few months out of the hospital, I was always looking over my shoulder for the next shoe to drop. One bad day would have me circling the drain, certain that my recovery was over, and it was only a matter of time before I was back in the abyss.

Learning about WRAP, and developing my own wellness recovery action plan, is making me less fearful.

Having tools I can use to understand what is happening has been very helpful. Sharing these with my support system gives me backup, should I require it. And going to my plan, and re-reading it, as needed, has made my day to day life more consistent.

Having also learned about SMART Recovery, I am blessed to be in the company of so many heroes.

Each one has dealt with their own demons and is committed to living a balanced life. I also meet heroes every time I attend a Peer Support Meeting at On Our Own. Everyone there is a hero in my book. Making the effort to show up is proof to me of their courage and conviction. My hats are off to each one!

READ MORE: How I found out superheroes are real

I’m not sure what I am expecting to happen as I approach my first anniversary.

Maybe manna from heaven? A sign that I am on the right path. Some signal that I am focusing on the right things, things that will lead me to living a balanced life with depression. I know this is possible and I want to be one who does this consistently. Knowing there have been periods in my life where depression was not in the driver’s seat gives me hope. Do I need to spend so much time focusing on what I am calling a milestone event?

What I am counting is the first year of my new life.

This is a big deal. Being the competitor, I want to see my 100th birthday. That will give me 36 years to stay ahead of depression. Knowing it had the upper hand for my first 43 years, I think it is time I took control. Catching unhelpful thinking early, not keeping secrets, and staying open with my support group have been ways I may keeping depression in its place.

Going forward, I want to live a balanced life.

So maybe it’s time I focus on the present. Of course, that means thinking about COVID 19, social distancing, and self-quarantine. The only good news about this option is I have tools I can use right now to cope. I do not need to learn new ways to think, I have learned them. Applying WRAP AND SMART to coronavirus has made the pandemic more manageable

So, shelter in place while I think about how I will spend the first anniversary of my hospitalization for depression.

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Last year, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. And your comments are always appreciated.

Filed Under: Covid19, Featured Home, My life goes on, SMART - Self Management And Recovery Training, Unhelpful thinking, WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) Tagged With: countdown, Covid 19, Covid19, depression, depression and anxiety, mental health, self-management and recovery training, shuttle launch, SMART Recovery, wellness recovery action plan, WRAP

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Joel Natl Career Fair Bio Pic he's using for my concealed depressionHello, I am Joel Quas 

In April 2019, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. By writing things out, I am learning more about my relationship with depression. 

Joel’s Next Book

The US has a a new 988 system that grabs location, not just area code.
https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Why I was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep while I had Depression

The Time When I Was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep

May 30, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Why Does JetBlue Keeps Pushing Back Our Return Flight?

May 6, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Best Self Improvement & Personal Development Blogs - OnToplist.com
RSS Search

All my posts – Be careful, some of my older posts could be triggers

  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • Why My Life Is Going Sideways
  • The Time When I Was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep
  • Why Does JetBlue Keeps Pushing Back Our Return Flight?
  • Why Was My Therapist Chuckling At What I Said?
  • Hurry Up And Wait

Search

Products

  • Evergreen is the story of my life with major depressive disorder. I write to learn more about my mental health Share The Journey As I Write My Next Book - draft "Evergreen"
  • The Six Second Cover Letter™ The Six Second Cover Letter™ $19.99 Original price was: $19.99.$0.00Current price is: $0.00.
  • 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages $14.99
  • 5 gratitude coloring pages from my concealed depression to help reduce anxiety and depression Five - Gratitude Coloring Pages $9.99
  • The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course] The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course]

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma