• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact
  • SHOP

You are here: Home / Featured Home / Just a regular guy, doing regular stuff today

Just a regular guy, doing regular stuff today

February 15, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Even with depression, toady I am a regular guy doing regular guy stuff

What a wonderful day today was.

It was an ordinary day in every respect. A little grocery shopping, a visit to my Mom’s, some alone time to write, and then an evening out with the family.

Ok, so the evening out was to see Trevor Noah doing his comedy live on stage.

But even that felt normal. In the past 20 years, we have gone to many live events. When we lived in New Jersey, I was a supporter of the Count Basie Theater in Redbank. We would go to live events three or four times a year. So, going out to a live performance for the first time in several years brought back pleasant memories.

My attitude about the day was “I’m just a guy doing everyday things. “

What a wonderful experience. It has been a long time since I had a day where I felt like me. And it has been hard to see, lately, that there would be days like this. Right after getting out of the hospital, I thought I would never fly again. Heck, I even thought that if I turned on the radio in the truck while I was driving, I would return home to some disaster, like the house had burned down.

Back then, envisioning a day like today was not possible.

Seeing forward to the end of the day was a struggle. And every time I had a bad day, I was sure it was me circling the drain, staring at the abyss. There was no way it was just an off day, it had to be the beginning of the end. It just had to be. I mean, I have depression, so it must mean that this one-off day will lead to a second further off day, leading to catastrophizing, sensationalizing, and maximizing the negative.

READ MORE: Testing 123 – Just checking in to see if I am ok

What a mouthful of dung.

Depression was trying it’s best to hold me captive, to keep me from seeing that there was another way to live. It had gotten cozy with me, and me with it. We had a thing going. And the last thing depression wanted was for me to re-think our relationship. How could I possibly think that anything but depression’s sneaky, secretive ideas was good for me?

Breaking up with depression was hard to do.

But that is what led me to yesterday and my wonderful, normal day.  And the chance to see historically, what it is like to have depression, but making sure depression does not have me, has given me a completely new way to look at life.

I don’t time travel as much these days, rather I live in the present.

READ MORE: I didn’t time travel this past weekend

What a magnificent world we live in. And I had forgotten or had purposely not faced the present and reveled in its awesomeness. I was too busy mind-reading, planning out what was going to happen. I thought about why I would or would not do something, and then drew my conclusions. And off I would go with the scenario I had made up.

The scary part is I would never ask people if this was true.

I would assume that it was true and would never ask. Then when it wasn’t true, I would be surprised. And depression would never be around at that moment for me to ask it what happened. That’s one of the most curious peculiarities about the disease of depression. When you don’t need it, it is all in your face. When you want to ask it a question, it is nowhere to be found.

So, to have a day where I just felt like myself has been a real treat.

And to have worked with the tools I am learning; I have a clearer picture of what my relationship with depression will be for the rest of my life. And that no longer scares me.

For 43+ years, every time depression would throw me under the bus, I would as quickly as possible clean up it’s mess. I would sweep whatever I could not throw away under the rug. And then, I would pretend that it never happened. There was no critique, no post game discussion. It was over, period.

I was darn glad I had survived that episode and could figure out a way to get moving against, so let’s forget about it.

I would know that incident really hurt. Knowing how painful it was, and how it hurt me, why would I want to relive that? It was hurting others and I couldn’t even see that. Depression made me see my biggest support as the enemy. What a messed-up thing to do.

Now that I have stepped back from depression and now keep it out in the open, it doesn’t like me as much. It’s mad at me, but it loves me more, in a sick, perverse way, because it is desperately trying to win me back.

Calling its name [DEPRESSION] and acknowledging I have it is very new for me.

Doing that is the only reason you are reading this and is the only reason I can write it. Rest assured, had I found a different way out of this latest journey into the abyss, I would have covered it up in an instant.

I am constantly seeing how depression is trying to trick me.

How depression is shooting unhelpful thinking styles at me. Depression loves it when I start catastrophizing situations. It is almost giddy with excitement as I shut down and withdraw from the moment, from life. It is then it’s knows it has me.

Depression loves it when I don’t feel like myself.

That is when depression can start to get the upper hand. Before I said to the world, “I have depression, depression does not have me,” depression could whisper just about anything and I would go “OK.” I very rarely challenged its ideas but would instead begin to internalize them and make depression’s ideas my own.

From there, depression would have me keep secrets.

There was no need for anyone else to know about this plan, they wouldn’t be able to understand. Their points of view would not be true, and I was better off keeping it between myself and depression. And to think, for over 43 years, I thought this was how a life was lived. Now that I know better, I am so eternally grateful for a day like yesterday.

Having been diagnosed with major depressive disorder turned out not to be a death sentence, but rather a new lease on life.

The past nine months have been hard. But with each step, my new life is unfolding and living a balanced life is something I see as possible. This is an immense step forward for me and those around me. My behavior, my actions were never in a vacuum. Knowing this, I could easily “should” all over myself.”

“Shoulding on myself” is a waste of energy.

READ MORE: I promise not to should on myself today

Having a day like yesterday is the reward for my vigilance and constant focus on keeping depression out where I can see it. Having a day like yesterday makes me feel like there will be others. Today had been pretty darn good also.

I’m so glad I can feel like a regular guy.

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Last year, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

Filed Under: Featured Home, Self Care, Some days I feel like myself, Unhelpful thinking Tagged With: depression, depression and anxiety, depression is not my boss, regular guy stuff, Trevor Noah, unhealthy thinking styles, Unhelpful thinking, unhelpful thinking styles

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Joel Natl Career Fair Bio Pic he's using for my concealed depressionHello, I am Joel Quas 

In April 2019, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. By writing things out, I am learning more about my relationship with depression. 

Joel’s Next Book

The US has a a new 988 system that grabs location, not just area code.
https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Why I was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep while I had Depression

The Time When I Was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep

May 30, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Why Does JetBlue Keeps Pushing Back Our Return Flight?

May 6, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Best Self Improvement & Personal Development Blogs - OnToplist.com
RSS Search

All my posts – Be careful, some of my older posts could be triggers

  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • Why My Life Is Going Sideways
  • The Time When I Was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep
  • Why Does JetBlue Keeps Pushing Back Our Return Flight?
  • Why Was My Therapist Chuckling At What I Said?
  • Hurry Up And Wait

Search

Products

  • Evergreen is the story of my life with major depressive disorder. I write to learn more about my mental health Share The Journey As I Write My Next Book - draft "Evergreen"
  • The Six Second Cover Letter™ The Six Second Cover Letter™ $19.99 Original price was: $19.99.$0.00Current price is: $0.00.
  • 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages $14.99
  • 5 gratitude coloring pages from my concealed depression to help reduce anxiety and depression Five - Gratitude Coloring Pages $9.99
  • The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course] The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course]

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma