Our live blue spruce tree
I ran across this today.
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like there’s nobody listening, and live like it’s heaven on earth.”
I know it’s Christmas and my thoughts ought to be on that.
But I am really looking for some way to feel happy again. And while I have done many of the prescribed Christmas activities, I am still just ok. We talked about the cost of a Christmas tree that the VFW was selling. It would sit in a stand in front of our window for a few weeks and then would end up as a hiding spot for birds, after it was tossed in the woods.
So, I purchased a live Blue Spruce, about four feet tall.
It is in front of the living room window, still in its burlap wrapped root ball, ready to plant after Christmas. Decorated, it is a miniature version of the VFW’s 7-foot tree. But unlike theirs, which would be tossed in the woods, the blue spruce will be a part of our landscape for years to come.
I suppose that makes me happy.
We are protecting the environment, saving a tree, and enhancing our property. What’s not to be happy about that? So why do I just feel ok about all of that? Based on my recent visits to my psychiatrist, for medicine management, I have weened myself from the Remeron I was taking. This process was over a 30-day period. I know that even after I stopped taking it, there is some sort of half-life of the Remeron that needed to clear my system.
By now, any residual Remeron must be out of my system.
And as a substitute, for the winter, I was going to use my winter SAD light for 30 minutes a day. Guess what? I have not been consistent at all about sitting with the light on. The device is sitting on my desk, in my home office. As I sit in my chair, it is so easy to turn on. Heck, it even has a timer so it shuts itself off in 30 minutes.
So why don’t I turn it on?
Mostly, I just forget. Or that’s what I am telling myself. Or I think that I will only sit there for a minute, but then 45 minutes go by. So, using that device consistently is not happening. I do go back this Thursday, for a follow up to see how my substituting the SAD light for the Remeron is going.
I will be sure to tell my psychiatrist what I am and am not doing with my SAD light.
Christmas morning is about to get started, so I will stop here. Being happy can be just a state of mind, and I will try to change my attitude towards being happy for today. I will let you know later how it all works out.