Getting past the first day is a positive step.
I am grateful for all the support I have received. While I am still afraid of what lies ahead, I am going to do the things I said I would do today. This includes finding a psychiatrist for medication and an LCSW to talk with.
This morning, I am feeling less chatty, but know that the act of writing, of journaling, is helpful. If you will indulge me, I will put a few more thoughts down.
My biggest fear this morning is that so much about what is going to happen is unknown. There have been times in my life where this wouldn’t have bothered me. In fact, I would embrace it with a positive attitude and move forward with confidence. Depression has robbed me of that confidence and my positive attitude.
I have depression, it does not have me. As I say this over and over to myself, I am forcing myself to believe it. During the day, I know I will have times when I truly believe it, and other times when I wish and hope it is true. I have depression, it does not have me.
As I read what I have written today, it sounds a little depressing. My hope is that the act of writing will help me see more of the positive, which I promise to share. While I am writing for me, I want others to see that managing depression is possible. This is today’s takeaway. I can’t help it, there must be a takeaway. I am still working on the concept of just writing for the sake of writing.
While not easy, keeping depression from being the boss of me is my job, first and foremost. When I do this, things will improve. When I let up, the results will be a struggle.
I will see you tomorrow and report my progress. Sign up for my email and you will get the next installment automatically.
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