That was the coolest thing I had heard all day.
My “picker” is not working.
Someone had to explain it to me, as I was only partially sure I understood what the term meant. It turns out the reference is about “choosing a partner.” In the context of substance abuse or recovery, this partner may be an enabler, or a support.
Your “picker’ would be the tool you would use to get what you need.
It could also be the underlying reason you might want to date someone. And as with any tool, if it is not working properly, you may not trust it. This could be true if your picker has not been working well and has gotten you into situations or relationships that were not healthy.
I’m pretty sure depression controlled my “picker.”
Depression was and is focused on isolating me from any type of support or sense of normalcy. Depression prefers secrecy and isolation. Picking or choosing any person, tool or support is foreign to its end game and is vigorously opposed by depression.
Allowing depression to control my thoughts and actions, I was giving it control of my “picker.”
There was no control on my part of my actions when depression was in charge. Sure, depression would make me feel like I was in control, as if everything was my idea, but the reality was it was pulling the strings and setting me up for each run at the open abyss.
My experience is that depression is not a very good “picker.”
Through SMART Recovery and WRAP (wellness recovery action plan) I have learned tools that are allowing me to make better choices. These tools have become my own personal “picker” as I learn to live with depression.
Becoming my own personal advocate for my recovery, I am taking over the job of “picker” from depression.
Now I am selecting the tools I will use and as important, the way I will think about my relationship with depression. Understanding my automatic thoughts, being able to ask better questions, and truly being in the moment are three ways I am building a more balanced life with depression.