If I weren't still dragging around the fear of what they might say, I would openly use my 500th blog post to email this letter to my friends and family. Dear Friend, I suffer from depression. (1) My life with depression started before I was 19, and depression has been a factor in most of my life’s decisions, both small and large. I do not say this to excuse my … [Read more...] about Stigma Has Kept Me From “Coming Out” With My Depression
Today I Am Putting My Depression in Perspective
I just want a day off from pushing the rock up the hill. Is that too much to ask? Day after day after day I wake up and stare at the same freaky rock. Some days, I admit, that rock looks like a huge boulder and the hill look like a vertical wall of solid granite. These are my “half-dome” days, when the hill looks to me like Half Dome at Yosemite National Park in … [Read more...] about Today I Am Putting My Depression in Perspective
“Those Thoughts,” Are They My Suicidal Ideation?
I have been afraid to write about this subject. While people who have suicidal ideation will get it, the vast majority of people do not understand this or are afraid to talk about it. For 43+ years, I was afraid of getting anywhere near the subject. It turns out, I have a major depressive disorder, with suicidal ideation. My suicidal thoughts are not an everyday … [Read more...] about “Those Thoughts,” Are They My Suicidal Ideation?
Super Focused, Then Super Distrac… Oh Look, a Squirrel
My mind is all over the place lately. Now I know there is a lot going on, but that is no excuse. OK, so a year ago I was in the hospital being treated for MDD, major depressive disorder. Then I came out of retirement and went back to work in management. Then, the pandemic happened and all sorts of customs (social distancing) and costumes (masks) have become the new … [Read more...] about Super Focused, Then Super Distrac… Oh Look, a Squirrel
Every Day I Push the Same Rock Up the Same Hill
Some days it is a pebble and the hill is hardly noticeable. Other days, it is a boulder and the hill is more of a mountain, that ascends almost vertically from the valley floor. During these days, my depression is everything. Concealing it and acting to the world like nothing is wrong takes all my energy. And I mean every single ounce of energy I can muster to keep people … [Read more...] about Every Day I Push the Same Rock Up the Same Hill