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“I Suffer From Depression.” Here’s What I Am Learning.

End Child Anxiety

guilt and shame

Why Am I Alone Again While My Depression is Winning?

May 4, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Depression has me feeling alone I push away everyone who is helping me including my therapist, peer support and mentors

From the 20,000-foot view, I can see patterns. As I move away from the abyss, I reach out to friends, family, and passers-by.  I am more comfortable speaking with others and garnering opinions about this or that. I am much more able to seek out others as I work on projects. While not gregarious, I am more open and talkative. But as depression works its magic, I begin … [Read more...] about Why Am I Alone Again While My Depression is Winning?

With Depression, I Feel Survivors Guilt for People I Do Not Know

April 22, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

My depression can give me survivors guilt when I read about someone taking their life. I have been there and know what the feels like.

I have felt guilty for being alive before. When someone I had been to group sessions with took his life, I felt very guilty to still be alive. The shock of his decision was more than I could handle at that moment. So, I jumped to feeling guilty that it was not me. And then there is the shame of not doing something, anything. Not that I could have. While we were in a … [Read more...] about With Depression, I Feel Survivors Guilt for People I Do Not Know

I’m Feeling Embarrassed and Guilty For Not Being a Better Patient

April 1, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

I feel bad that I am not a better patient and that I am using depression to keep professional medical help away from me.

I know they are only trying to help. And I want to be helped. Or so I say. But is that true? Am I feeling so guilty and embarrassed about talking to someone about my depression that I am pushing away those who want to help? I did that with two therapists, and now I am close to pushing away my peer advocate. They are professionals who are in my life to help me learn to … [Read more...] about I’m Feeling Embarrassed and Guilty For Not Being a Better Patient

Why Can’t I Just Make It Easy And Stop Facing My Depression?

March 12, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Why can't I just stop facing my depression? It was so much easier when I wasn't doing all the work to face my depression

Facing my depression, and saying it's name out loud, has been work. Sometimes the work has been exhausting. It has only been easy on rare occasions. Most of the time some effort is required on my part to call out depression’s antics and to work through an alternative that doesn’t involve unhelpful thinking. Yet in the past, time travel worked. I was able to ruminate … [Read more...] about Why Can’t I Just Make It Easy And Stop Facing My Depression?

Can I Share My Life Experiences in A Published Book?

January 29, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Having written two books, I know what it would take to write another one. However, the first two books were not personal. At least not in the same way as what I am currently contemplating. One book is on basic management and the other focuses on what you need to get hired. In each book, I gave personal STARS; examples of situations I encountered, the actions I took, and the … [Read more...] about Can I Share My Life Experiences in A Published Book?

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I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder.  I am genuinely determined to figure out my personal relationship with depression. With 40+ years of living with concealed depression, I write my blog to find answers. 

I once got so carried away searching for answers that I even earned a  certification in  SMART Recovery. 

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  • I Feel So Guilty for Not Doing More Today
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