My Concealed Depression

My thoughts on my lifetime of Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

3 Ways Depression is Keeping My Continued Success Away

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Of course, it could be me and I’m blaming my ups and down on my depression. This can easily lead to the “which came first, the chicken or the egg?† Am I using depression as an excuse for getting to the edge of long-term success and then sabotaging my success? Or is it depression that creeps in and takes away the … [Read more...] about 3 Ways Depression is Keeping My Continued Success Away

Was It My Depression or Did I Really Do That?

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Looks like I am shoulding all over myself this morning. I find myself looking at past opportunities that I have squandered and not fully taken advantage of. Of course, I am focusing on what I remember as big, earthshattering occurrences, the likes of which I may never see again. So already I have hit three unhelpful thinking styles. All or Nothing, Time Travel, and … [Read more...] about Was It My Depression or Did I Really Do That?

For 1062 Days, I Have Posted Thoughts About My Depression Every 2.196 Days

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I don’t say this to brag. In some respects, I wish I had never started writing this blog. It all started the day after I checked out of 5 East. I had made the decision in the previous 4 days that I was going to face my depression head-on. This meant I would never again run from it. Even more important, I was not going to sweep it under the rug and pretend that it never … [Read more...] about For 1062 Days, I Have Posted Thoughts About My Depression Every 2.196 Days

Is My Plan Really Just Loosely Formed?

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Sometimes, I can see what my future might look like. Other times, the screen goes blank and all I hear are crickets chirping in the background. My goal is to build a balanced life with depression. I am not expecting to find a cure or to be in a test group that validates a successful drug program. I am not so sure that even a reset of my thought processes would remove … [Read more...] about Is My Plan Really Just Loosely Formed?

With Depression, Why Can’t I Get Past the Past?

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Today I am feeling sorry for myself. Ok, I have been dragging around feeling sorry for myself for at least a month. And at the same time, I have been trying to hide it from even myself. I can turn on the positive, let’s do anything attitude while at work. To me, I am giving 100% during the workday. The feedback I get from managers and employees is that I … [Read more...] about With Depression, Why Can’t I Get Past the Past?