I have been afraid to write about this subject. While people who have suicidal ideation will get it, the vast majority of people do not understand this or are afraid to talk about it. For 43+ years, I was afraid of getting anywhere near the subject. It turns out, I have a major depressive disorder, with suicidal ideation. My suicidal thoughts are not an everyday … [Read more...] about “Those Thoughts,” Are They My Suicidal Ideation?
Facts and myths about mental illness
Will I be Ready for My New Psychiatrist?
I promise to tell my new Doctor the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Going into my doctor’s office and putting on my concealed depression face results in me not getting the true help I need. Depression is once again getting me to be secretive. It reminds me that no one understands me as well as it does, and I should be wary of anyone (or … [Read more...] about Will I be Ready for My New Psychiatrist?
Every Day I Push the Same Rock Up the Same Hill
Some days it is a pebble and the hill is hardly noticeable. Other days, it is a boulder and the hill is more of a mountain, that ascends almost vertically from the valley floor. During these days, my depression is everything. Concealing it and acting to the world like nothing is wrong takes all my energy. And I mean every single ounce of energy I can muster to keep people … [Read more...] about Every Day I Push the Same Rock Up the Same Hill
Same Stuff, Just A Different Day
Why am I stuck in this loop of sameness? As I begin writing, I realize this is not the first time I have written about this. My mind has been stuck in a painful, unproductive loop before. And how to jump-start a new, more productive loop is where I am now. READ: Will everyday be the same? Last night, after getting home from work, I had a small meal. By 11 PM, I … [Read more...] about Same Stuff, Just A Different Day
I Asked My Doctor 6 Questions About My MDD Symptoms
What he told me was life changing. Getting out of bed each morning has been drama. Most days, I launch an internal dialogue with myself, which ends in my feeling guilty about staying in bed. Then at some point, a sound triggers my “fight or flight†response, and I leap out of bed. This scenario of guilt and shame for not being able to get … [Read more...] about I Asked My Doctor 6 Questions About My MDD Symptoms
