Or as I am surmising, there is no finish line. But for certain activities, or events, there is a conclusion. Then why is it I feel as if it is never ending, and I am always one step from completing the challenge? Days turn into nights. The day ends and the night begins. This is very basic stuff. So why am I having trouble visualizing me crossing the finish line for my own … [Read more...] about Is My Depression Keeping Me from The Finish Line?
Guilt and Shame
It’s been months since I’ve been able to work from the front porch. I know it’s my fault for not making the decision sooner. After all, my old laptop has been non-responsive for months. Yet every time I would start to research new laptops, I would hear a voice in my head. And it would remind me that I still have a PC in my home office that I can use. So why am I thinking … [Read more...] about My Depression Let Me Buy a New Computer
I am worried that I don’t feel different today. It seems like I should be more relaxed and content. I got to spend a long weekend with my son and my new daughter-in-law. They drove over 6 hours to be here for the Memorial Day holiday. And we hosted a bonfire on Saturday with several family members from the surrounding area joining us. We grilled, made smores, and then at … [Read more...] about Memorial Day Holiday Is Over, Now What?
From the 20,000-foot view, I can see patterns. As I move away from the abyss, I reach out to friends, family, and passers-by. I am more comfortable speaking with others and garnering opinions about this or that. I am much more able to seek out others as I work on projects. While not gregarious, I am more open and talkative. But as depression works its magic, I begin … [Read more...] about Why Am I Alone Again While My Depression is Winning?
I have felt guilty for being alive before. When someone I had been to group sessions with took his life, I felt very guilty to still be alive. The shock of his decision was more than I could handle at that moment. So, I jumped to feeling guilty that it was not me. And then there is the shame of not doing something, anything. Not that I could have. While we were in a … [Read more...] about With Depression, I Feel Survivors Guilt for People I Do Not Know