I feel guilty for not going to the gym this morning.
Checking my app, I can see I have gone 4 out of 5 days this week. And I have been up since 6 AM this morning. When I got up, I had every intention of getting to the gym before preparing for work. I know it’s Saturday, but retail demands a non 9 to 5, Monday to Friday schedule.
So, I am on the porch, coffee mug in hand, watching two rabbits have their breakfast nibbling the grass which needs mowing.
It has been more than a week where I have had or allowed myself to have, a few minutes of down time. Run, run, run (‘til your daddy takes the T-bird away) is what I have been feeling. I cannot stop. If I stop, I won’t get everything done that is on my list.’
If I don’t get everything done that is on my list, I will get anxious, or worse.
Unhelpful thinking will kick in and the next thing I know I’m feeling guilty for not performing at a higher level. And then I become ashamed of my behavior, knowing it is not meeting the high bar I have set for myself.
But a more unbiased look at my week shows me I am highly prioritized.
All of the must do’s I have done. I have been to the gym 4 times this week and know I will go either tonight after work or tomorrow. And while I may not get the south 40 mowed, the front yard and the grass around the orchard and the garden will be done.
All eyes are on our trip up north next weekend for my grandsons second birthday party.
Extra thought and planning have gone into our trip. Being a small part of the planning and set up for the party, I feel excited about the event. I am getting to share the planning as well as the party and then the cleanup.
Having done all the “must-do” items on my list, I am throwing caution to the wind and enjoying the peace and quiet of a soon to be hot Saturday morning.
Some would say I am engaging in self-care. I suppose that is true. From the porch, I hear a flock of geese leaving the lake who are honking in the affirmative. I just am uncomfortable with the phrase, self-care. But that is what I am doing right now. My mind and body are relaxed and open to the moment. And there is still ½ hour of time to myself before I must begin getting ready for work.