Well, it was going to be my New Year’s resolution if I got around to making new year’s resolutions.
For the past 6 weeks or so, I have been wondering why I was feeling so rushed. This led to my decision that I wasn’t setting aside any self-care time. Every day had become full of life’s needs, and I found myself gravitating towards everyone else’s needs.
My resolution then was to schedule “me time,” or self-care time each day.
It turns out I was leaving no time for myself. Or was I avoiding self-care time? Or am I not sure what is classified as self-care? And how does this explain why I am feeling so rushed? What is causing me to speed along, not stopping to smell the roses, the coffee, or even the smell of the clean sheets on the bed?
As I write, I just thought about the change in my medication.
Adding an additional 150 mg of Wellbutrin, I am now taking 450 mg total each morning. Is it possible that the additional Wellbutrin is causing me to feel like I am on a caffeine high? I will need to read the cautions that accompany each refill of my medication.
The side effects are buried in several pages of fine print.
I will read them to see if not being able to slow down and schedule self-care is on the list. Or something to that effect. The point of all this is that I am still trying to understand why I feel rushed. Even at work yesterday, I couldn’t seem to relax. With our first of the season winter storm wrapping up, most of our employees and many, many of our customers stayed home.
Most employees and managers who had made it in, were in a relaxed, almost celebratory mood.
Not that they weren’t taking care of business, but there was a “this isn’t a normal day” feeling in the air. I recognized it, but I could not embrace that. What I felt, instead, was frustration and a bit of anger that they weren’t taking the day seriously. Or at least that was my perception of how they were approaching the day.
Now instead of fortune-telling, I could have asked them about this.
But once again, depression cast out one of its unhelpful thinking styles, to thwart me. I allowed depression to let me assume what I viewed was what was taking place. In the end, my view was that most of the staff was not taking the situation seriously.
Or was I just taking things too seriously?
Beats me. But I do not have time to think about that right now. I have a 9:30 AM Zoom meeting followed by my drive to my day job. In between, I need to pack my lunch, shower, shave, and get dressed. I would like to help my daughter clear the snow off her car so she can drive to work. And I haven’t spent any quality time with my wife this morning.
The timer just went off on my LED Light Therapy Lamp.
So, I’m off to my next activity. Jumping on the list, I can help my daughter before getting a shower before my zoom meeting. This will only leave packing my lunch and finding a few minutes to spend with my wife before heading off to work.