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Green apples with smiley faces symbolizing concealed depression.

My Concealed Depression

You are here: Home / Depression / I’m In Arizona Four Days Trekking the Grand Canyon

I’m In Arizona Four Days Trekking the Grand Canyon

October 19, 2024 by Depression Is Not My Boss

I feel guilt and shame for wanting to practice self-care
I don’t know where to start; there are so many beginnings.

For the trip, I packed all of my medications into plastic days tabs. I am back to the 450 mg. dose of Wellbutrin XL each morning. This summer, I stopped adding the 150 mg. dose to the 300 mg. For some reason, through the summer, my pharmacy wasn’t able to get the smaller 150 mg. dose of Wellbutrin XL.

This seemed to work out because I was getting plenty of outdoor time.

My body didn’t seem to miss the extra kick and so I did not fret that I wasn’t taking the full 450 mg dose each morning. A month ago, I found an empty prescription bottle of the 150 mg Wellbutrin. So I called in a refill and they had it. So, with the days getting shorter, I am now back to the full dose of Wellbutrin.

Getting to the point, this morning, I am enjoying the success of yesterday’s hike.

We left the south rim before 8 AM and went into the canyon several miles. Of course, our guides were marking our progress in the historical layers below the canyon rim. We hiked down the canyon, first Ah Ha Point, then a flat area with outdoor toilets. Again, I can be happy that I have no sense of smell. As I waited my turn, I could see the faces of those coming out. Even though the sun was not hitting them directly, it was clear that the smell was intense.

After a brief stop, we continued down the canyon towards the river.

45 minutes later, we stopped in a shaded area and had lunch. Our guides had prepared wraps with turkey, cucumber, and cheese, along with chips and salty snacks, to keep our energy levels up for the remainder of the trek. Granola bars and even Payday candy bars with peanuts were our dessert options.

This was designed to fuel our return hike, which would involve retracing the 2+ miles we had trekked down into the canyon.

It only occurred to me once that we would retrace our steps and that going up and out of the canyon would be much more strenuous than going down. And almost immediately, it became clear that up would be more demanding than down. And it was then that I began to wish that I had gotten back to the gym sooner before going to spend almost six months at the gym.

I even became acquainted with the stair climber.

For the canyon trek, I started going to the gym six weeks before our start date. I justified that by saying that I walk 5 to 7 miles each day at work. This led me to a false sense of, ‘Oh, I can do that’ without all the pre-trek planning. But 8,000 plus feet of elevation had me bringing up the rear on the way out of the canyon.

 However, days 2 and 3 have been quite the opposite.

I’m not saying I wasn’t winded at times; I am just saying I was no longer bringing up the rear. There will be many photos to share. Once I get home and clean them up a bit, I will share some.  

  1. Day one was the south rim of the Grand Canyon.
  2. Day two was a slot canyon
  3. Day three was the north rim of the Grand Canyon
Stay tuned; tomorrow we will explore the upper end of the Colorado River.

Filed Under: Depression, Facts and myths about mental illness, Featured Home Tagged With: Arizona, depression, Grand Canyon, Trekking

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Joel Natl Career Fair Bio Pic he's using for my concealed depressionHello, I am Joel Quas 

In April 2019, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. By writing things out, I am learning more about my relationship with depression. 

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