• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact
  • SHOP

You are here: Home / Featured Home / Success minus failures equal me

Success minus failures equal me

February 10, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Success minus failure equals me

I suppose this is the sum of each of us.

We all have our moments of brilliance. For some, it could be discovering a cure for a disease. For others, it’s the moment after spending hours making a repair, we hit the key and the car starts. What defines our successes can change depending on the day and what we are facing.

The act of deciding can often be a success.

Getting all the relevant information, weighing the options, and then choosing a single path to follow, now that’s a success story in my book. And most of us make 100’s of decisions every day. Pepsi or Coke? Hamburger or cheeseburger? Make a right at the light or go to the next road and turn in?

We are constantly making small decisions, keeping our brains in practice.

Then when it’s time for the important choices, we should be ready to go. We have practiced on all these little, almost inconsequential issues and have made choices. Sometimes we may decide later “I should have gotten the salad, not the burger,” but we made a choice, we picked one.

My relationship with depression is about me making the decision it has picked out for me.

Depression has sucked me into its clutches and has often made it impossible to choose. So, for example, I am staying in bed longer than I need to. Not because I want to, it’s just that I cannot make the decision to get up. Depression is still actively rebelling against my recovery, fighting it with every tool it can think of.

For 43+ years, depression had me figured out.

It knew how to get to me, how to have me see the choice it wanted me to make. I would listen to it telling me, in secret, that for example, retiring early and changing the plans I had worked for decades to make happen was OK. It didn’t really matter that it changed everything I had worked for over the past 35 years. And having major depressive disorder, I went along with the idea.

Depression knew how to present the idea so I could take it and run.

It knew what would attract my attention and could show me that small part of the choice in an overly magnified light. And then, it completely minimized the other 60 or 70 things that were wrong with the decision. For instance, I ignored or minimized having to pay for health insurance until Medicare kicks in a few years from now.

I didn’t understand how much I recharged my emotional batteries through face to face interaction.

Minimized and swept out of view were all the positives of waiting a few more years. The result was a disaster that nearly ended things. Talking about ending my life is not easy. But I am way to competitive. You see, I plan to be around for my 100th birthday. The fact that I actively choose NOT to dwell on these thoughts is a success story. Yet, depression throws them my way at times.

That’s enough about the failures.

The biggest success is I am still moving forward. And I am still learning tools that will help me lead a balanced life. Knowing what I look like, without a title (Dad, Husband, Manager, Author, Coach, etc.) has been a lesson in humility.

READ MORE: What lens am I looking at myself through?

Success minus failures equal me.

I am the sum of all my parts, my habits, ideas, actions, and thoughts. Being alive, I face daily decisions I must make. And one of the first each day is to decide the moment I will get out of bed. Depression and I seem to dance around the decision, sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for over an hour.

But as you can tell, I have gotten out of bed, am up for the day and I am writing.

READ MORE: I promise not to “should” on myself today

I am the sum of everything I do. “Shoulding” on myself, I can feel so incredibly bad about lost opportunities, potential success stories I chose not to pursue because depression and I thought it was a bad idea. I am so close to holding a “pity party” for myself, but I know that it is just depression trying to reestablish contact.

Depression misses me and wants me back as it’s special friend.

It conveniently forgets that all its secret suggestions have resulted in my teetering on the abyss. And it never mentions how, on occasion, it has let me tumble into the depths of despair. And how each tumble has been deeper and deeper. Funny that depression never brings that up.

READ MORE: 300 million people around the world have depression, and I am one of them.

So, the real key is how we decide to see the “me” that is left.

I have written about this and am still exploring my attitude towards what is left. I see the chances for success and what the potential failures look like. Practicing making decisions each day keeps my mind working. Staying out of unhelpful thinking styles has been the key to any success I have enjoyed since my hospitalization last year.

There is no easy answer, no magic pill that makes depression gone forever.

I am living with a disease that will never go away. How I choose to think about it is the only thing I can control. What’s left after tallying up success and failures in my life is the me I must live with. And deciding how I will think about the me that is left is where I am focused.

READ MORE: Afraid or not, life still marches forward

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Last year, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

Filed Under: Featured Home, Self Care, Sleep Issues, The cost of success, Unhelpful thinking Tagged With: depression, depression and anxiety, depression is not my boss, unhealthy thinking styles, Unhelpful thinking, unhelpful thinking styles

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Joel Natl Career Fair Bio Pic he's using for my concealed depressionHello, I am Joel Quas 

In April 2019, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. By writing things out, I am learning more about my relationship with depression. 

Joel’s Next Book

The US has a a new 988 system that grabs location, not just area code.
https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Is the Question What Comes Next?

June 23, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Why I Am Unpacking the Rules Behind My Perfectly Concealed Depression

June 21, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Best Self Improvement & Personal Development Blogs - OnToplist.com
RSS Search

All my posts – Be careful, some of my older posts could be triggers

  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • My Life Is Going Sideways, Part Two
  • Is the Question What Comes Next?
  • Why I Am Unpacking the Rules Behind My Perfectly Concealed Depression
  • Why My Life Is Going Sideways
  • The Time When I Was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep

Search

Products

  • Evergreen is the story of my life with major depressive disorder. I write to learn more about my mental health Share The Journey As I Write My Next Book - draft "Evergreen"
  • The Six Second Cover Letter™ The Six Second Cover Letter™ $19.99 Original price was: $19.99.$0.00Current price is: $0.00.
  • 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages $14.99
  • 5 gratitude coloring pages from my concealed depression to help reduce anxiety and depression Five - Gratitude Coloring Pages $9.99
  • The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course] The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course]

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma