My Concealed Depression

My thoughts on my lifetime of Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation.

mental health

Hurry Up And Wait

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I don’t understand why things seem so hard right now. Once again, I am so close to the finish line, but I cannot get past it. I can see the end from here. I knowwhat it would feel like, how it would smell. Heck, I even know what it would taste like. But I am stuckhere, twiddling my thumbs, as I wait for something to happen. Having been in a holding pattern for a while, … [Read more...] about Hurry Up And Wait

Surprise, It’s April Fool’s Day

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When the kids were young, they had a standing April Fool’s joke. One of them would get a rubber band. Then, they would twist the rubber band around the sprayer onthe kitchen sink. When I would use the sink, their trick would get me. Turning on the faucet would nowturn on the kitchen sink sprayer. And then I was surprised. Every year, I would be sprayed with water. And … [Read more...] about Surprise, It’s April Fool’s Day

STILL OK, NOT SAD, NOT MAD, JUST OK

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I just left my weekly therapy appointment. As I went in, I wondered how long I have just felt OK. And how long have I been thinking about this? This must have been going on for years. And I may have made up a reason for this happening. If I did not have one, my depression would have stepped in and added its own color commentary. I first heard someone say, " It must be the … [Read more...] about STILL OK, NOT SAD, NOT MAD, JUST OK

Is A Wintry Mix Descending Into My Front Yard?

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The weather forecast indicated there could be a wintry mix today. My front yard is proof that they were correct. Sitting on the front porch this morning, I could hear tree limbs snapping and falling under the weight of the ice on their branches. At 6 AM, thunder and lightning reverberated, creating the perfect opportunity to get up and make a pot of coffee. Had we not … [Read more...] about Is A Wintry Mix Descending Into My Front Yard?