Photo by Brett Jordan on UnsplashMaking forward progress feels like it’s not a thing right now.Today, keeping my head above water is my primary goal. The process of moving forward seems labored and just outside of my grasp. This morning, I am wondering how I managed to fake it for so long. There’s no way I have really been getting things done. Any visible forward progress is … [Read more...] about I Don’t Know Why I Am Still Trying
Time travel
Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?
Photo by mauro mora on UnsplashIt turns out that I don’t even know when the last time was that I sat down and wrote out my thoughts and feelings.I wish I had made the time as I know that my depression is in the wings, waiting for me. I could slip up and be back near the abyss based on my lack of focus. This lack of focus is different than just not deciding about what to do … [Read more...] about Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?
Joy Has Been Elusive for Years, But I May Have Found It Again
Photo by Tim Mossholder on UnsplashJoy is one emotion that has been missing over the past 4 or 5 years.Not days, or weeks, but years. That’s a long time. 365 days times 4 years equals 1,465 days. Five years is that plus 365. And for much of that time, I did not even know I was not experiencing joy. I was happy if I experienced any emotion.And yes, that included the emotion of … [Read more...] about Joy Has Been Elusive for Years, But I May Have Found It Again
Why I Say That I Am No Longer Evergreen
Photo by Kayla Warner on UnsplashAnother post about my lifelong struggle to face major depressive disorder (concealed depression)They say you always remember your first time. Well with my `depression, that is not true. For me, major moments stand out, including what I came to call “my lost year.” But most of my depression, up until 4 years ago, is one big blur. In hindsight, it … [Read more...] about Why I Say That I Am No Longer Evergreen
I Wasn’t Planning for My Depression to Be a Lifelong Companion
Photo by Mert Talay on UnsplashYet it turns out that depression and I have a bond that will entwine us for the rest of my life.And even though right now, my depression is on vacation, I know it is still with me. While I am not feeling like I am “up against the wall,” I know my depression is still there. It is getting very good at tossing unhelpful thinking my way. Depression is … [Read more...] about I Wasn’t Planning for My Depression to Be a Lifelong Companion
