Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash Making forward progress feels like it’s not a thing right now. Today, keeping my head above water is my primary goal. The process of moving forward seems labored and just outside of my grasp. This morning, I am wondering how I managed to fake it for so long. There’s no way I have really been getting things done. Any visible forward … [Read more...] about I Don’t Know Why I Am Still Trying
Time travel
Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?
Photo by mauro mora on Unsplash It turns out that I don’t even know when the last time was that I sat down and wrote out my thoughts and feelings. I wish I had made the time as I know that my depression is in the wings, waiting for me. I could slip up and be back near the abyss based on my lack of focus. This lack of focus is different than just not deciding about what to … [Read more...] about Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?
Joy Has Been Elusive for Years, But I May Have Found It Again
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash Joy is one emotion that has been missing over the past 4 or 5 years. Not days, or weeks, but years. That’s a long time. 365 days times 4 years equals 1,465 days. Five years is that plus 365. And for much of that time, I did not even know I was not experiencing joy. I was happy if I experienced any emotion. And yes, that included the … [Read more...] about Joy Has Been Elusive for Years, But I May Have Found It Again
Why I Say That I Am No Longer Evergreen
Photo by Kayla Warner on Unsplash Another post about my lifelong struggle to face major depressive disorder (concealed depression) They say you always remember your first time. Well with my `depression, that is not true. For me, major moments stand out, including what I came to call “my lost year.” But most of my depression, up until 4 years ago, is one big blur. In … [Read more...] about Why I Say That I Am No Longer Evergreen
I Wasn’t Planning for My Depression to Be a Lifelong Companion
Photo by Mert Talay on Unsplash Yet it turns out that depression and I have a bond that will entwine us for the rest of my life. And even though right now, my depression is on vacation, I know it is still with me. While I am not feeling like I am “up against the wall,” I know my depression is still there. It is getting very good at tossing unhelpful thinking my way. … [Read more...] about I Wasn’t Planning for My Depression to Be a Lifelong Companion