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Time travel

I Don’t Know Why I Am Still Trying

April 28, 2024 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Photo by Brett Jordan on UnsplashMaking forward progress feels like it’s not a thing right now.Today, keeping my head above water is my primary goal. The process of moving forward seems labored and just outside of my grasp. This morning, I am wondering how I managed to fake it for so long. There’s no way I have really been getting things done. Any visible forward progress is … [Read more...] about I Don’t Know Why I Am Still Trying

Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?

September 2, 2023 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

I write to understand my depression and thereby lead a balanced life.

Photo by mauro mora on UnsplashIt turns out that I don’t even know when the last time was that I sat down and wrote out my thoughts and feelings.I wish I had made the time as I know that my depression is in the wings, waiting for me. I could slip up and be back near the abyss based on my lack of focus. This lack of focus is different than just not deciding about what to do … [Read more...] about Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?

Joy Has Been Elusive for Years, But I May Have Found It Again

August 4, 2023 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

joy has finally become an emotion I experience after spending years with fear, and inhibitory emotions I see on the change triangle

Photo by Tim Mossholder on UnsplashJoy is one emotion that has been missing over the past 4 or 5 years.Not days, or weeks, but years. That’s a long time. 365 days times 4 years equals 1,465 days. Five years is that plus 365. And for much of that time, I did not even know I was not experiencing joy. I was happy if I experienced any emotion.And yes, that included the emotion of … [Read more...] about Joy Has Been Elusive for Years, But I May Have Found It Again

Why I Say That I Am No Longer Evergreen

July 9, 2023 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

My depression made me feel that I needed to be Evergreen because I assumed that was what I thought people wanted. I assumed, but did not ask them.

Photo by Kayla Warner on UnsplashAnother post about my lifelong struggle to face major depressive disorder (concealed depression)They say you always remember your first time. Well with my `depression, that is not true. For me, major moments stand out, including what I came to call “my lost year.” But most of my depression, up until 4 years ago, is one big blur. In hindsight, it … [Read more...] about Why I Say That I Am No Longer Evergreen

I Wasn’t Planning for My Depression to Be a Lifelong Companion

February 7, 2023 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

I wasn't planning for depression to be my life long companion, so I changed my attitude about depression

Photo by Mert Talay on UnsplashYet it turns out that depression and I have a bond that will entwine us for the rest of my life.And even though right now, my depression is on vacation, I know it is still with me. While I am not feeling like I am “up against the wall,” I know my depression is still there. It is getting very good at tossing unhelpful thinking my way. Depression is … [Read more...] about I Wasn’t Planning for My Depression to Be a Lifelong Companion

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Joel Natl Career Fair Bio Pic he's using for my concealed depressionHello, I am Joel Quas 

In April 2019, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. By writing things out, I am learning more about my relationship with depression. 

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