My Concealed Depression

My thoughts on my lifetime of Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation.

unhealthy thinking styles

Just Another Monday in The Land of Depression

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Yesterday, I worked outside. I mowed the grass in front of the house and along the gravel driveway. This led to mowing along the fence, and into the orchard. Getting the weed eater out, I trimmed along the front porch and the outside of the fence behind the strawberries. From there I worked around the deck and the back of the house. As I trimmed, I watched for snakes, but … [Read more...] about Just Another Monday in The Land of Depression

I’m So Tired of My Depression

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Projecting a positive, can-do attitude some days takes all the energy I have. And I am beginning to feel overwhelmed by the demands I am placing on myself. Once again, no one is forcing me to behave a certain way. I am free to live my life using my internal compass. Knowingly, I relinquish some of that freedom as a partner in marriage. Doing the right thing as a marriage … [Read more...] about I’m So Tired of My Depression

What Am I Worried About, It’s Just the World?

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I am all over the place today, but If you read to the end, I finally get out what I’m thinking.Authors Note Our heatwave on the east coast is mild compared to the temperatures recorded on the west coast. And we have been spared raging wildfires like the ones consuming thousand and thousands of acres in the northwest. A few days of afternoon thunderstorms, … [Read more...] about What Am I Worried About, It’s Just the World?

I Want To Think I Can, But Depression Has Me Feeling I Cannot

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I don’t get it, why am I feeling so average, so run-of-the-mill? From a big picture perspective, things are going great. The job is exciting as I am getting to do a lot of teaching. I’m planning again, not just hoping to make it through the day.  My daily to-do list is getting longer, which is something I thrive on. And even as … [Read more...] about I Want To Think I Can, But Depression Has Me Feeling I Cannot

Pure Joy With Depression? It Makes Me Feel Good All Over

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I admitted that I was feeling good to my Psychiatrist on Wednesday. My 3-month medicine management appointment was first thing in the morning. I was early, as usual, and I caught up on my email using my phone while waiting for my doctor. My Psychiatrist was happy to see me. She told me that when she checked her appointments last night, she was thrilled to see I was her … [Read more...] about Pure Joy With Depression? It Makes Me Feel Good All Over